I used to work for a nonprofit agency.  We worked with the mentally ill (my department was responsible for the criminally insane and incompetent to proceed to trial felons), and we were funded through our local DCF office. We had to account for everything we did through activity logs, and each action we completed had a different code attached to it. There were all sorts of codes, and even one for administration duties which we couldn't bill outright for, but we had to have one for things like paperwork and certain other non-direct client work.

I'll get to the point in a minute, but I also want to add this: It's no secret that my son has been diagnosed with a few very distressing disorders recently, both physical and mental. I've been working very hard at keeping things in order, making the right decisions, and doing everything by the book so that he doesn't have to suffer the ill-effects of anything. He has a pulmonologist, a neurologist, an audiologist, and soon a speech therapist. He wears hearing aids. He has to take 3 different medications every day, and he has to see at least 3 different doctors a month. There is unyielding paperwork to fill out, calls to make, appointments to drive to, and specialists he has to see both in and out of school. Ian has been wonderful, and I think Sean and I have been doing a great job keeping communication between us, the school, and all his doctors. There are a lot of days that we all want to throw up our hands and say "screw it all!" but we don't. Because it isn't an option. We continue forward because it's life, and we all have struggles.

I was told about a great subcategory to Medicaid in November, and I jumped at the chance to get Ian assigned. Basically it's a group of 'approved physicians' in this group, and each child is assigned a nurse care coordinator. They are your 'go to' guy in this maze of health care, and you call them with questions or if you think something should be getting done that isn't. You can, I'm sure, understand why I was so excited for this, right? Someone to help me keep everything organized and someone medically trained who could give me advice and suggestions? SIGN US UP! I ran around to get paperwork, fill it out, get it to them in time, and then called to follow up daily. I was thrilled when we were approved for December, and I was finally able to breathe a bit easier.

Until January anyway, because as of January 1st, the State dropped Ian from Medicaid. I was given little notice, and I was frantic because we're talking thousands of dollars a month sometimes that our little guy needs in the form of therapy and doctors and such! This meant getting him approved for the State health care, and you can't apply for that until your child isn't covered by insurance. So, that's a minimum month of no coverage.

But, that isn't even what upset me. What absolutely makes my gut churn are these "professionals" who claim to love children and want the best for them, who sit there and hug you while you cry and promise they will do anything they can for your child... But they fail to mention that it's only if they can bill your insurance! If they can't, they basically forget your child even existed, let alone sat in their office for hours at a time and grew to trust them because they promised they would make their lives better. They can't even bother with a phone call to let you know they're aware of what happened, but they're still there for you while you work on straightening out whatever the issue is. I called and emailed just about every person who claimed to be "invested" in my son, and not one person bothered to get back to me. No one returned my call when I left a message begging for help because I was so lost, and not one "professional" bothered to contact me to see if there was anything that could be done in the meantime so that Ian didn't get confused or behind with his therapy, or suffered from not being medicated. You know who did call me? Office staff to tell me that since they ran his Medicaid for his upcoming appointment and saw it was discontinued, they went ahead and cancelled his appointment because they were sure that I didn't want to just reschedule seeing as there was no upcoming insurance for him.

I can't even begin to describe how repulsed I am by all of this. When I was working, even if 'non-billable,' I made calls to people who left me messages about their families. I made calls after cases were closed if people had questions, and I made damn sure all of my clients were taken care of. The fact that these people can just ignore someone who is in need, let alone when that person is a child, makes it hard for me to see them as professionals, let alone human beings. Sure we pulled through and we made sure Ian was taken care of and got what he needed, but the fact remains that I am beyond disappointed by these people that I trusted with something more precious to me than my own life. They failed.

Of course now comes the question of how on earth I am going to continue a working relationship with these doctors. I have to for Ian's sake because, like it or not, they've been there since the beginning and really are the best for him, but I am so furious that I worry about how I'm going to handle it all. Mostly with the nurse coordinator I fear, because to me she's the most despicable of them all...

Guest post written by Paula Brantmeyer

I'm really big on desserts. I've always been that way. My husband isn't so much but our kids are really into desserts too. So each week, I like to pick one night to serve a really tasty dessert at dinner. If I did it too often it would make it not nearly as special. I'm always on the lookout for new things to make and like to look online to find those great new recipes.

A few nights ago when I was looking online to try and find a good recipe, I ran across the website http://www.debtsettlementfamily.com/calculate. Our family is in debt and we haven't been doing a lot to get out of it, so we obviously need to start making some moves to help get out of debt.

I have found all kinds of great recipes over the years and have even made a few of them multiple times. I also have a folder on my computer's desktop that has some of the better recipes that I've made of the years. I don't even own a cookbook any more!

Someone said something awhile ago, and I didn't even really notice it until someone else pointed it out. I didn't "get" it at first, but with our new way of living, it's made a lot of sense to me, and it's helped me change my thinking and my emotional reaction.

"I choose not to spend my money on that."

Sounds so silly, but WOW does it work.  I've found that by using that mentality, not spending money on something makes me feel empowered rather than deprived.  We all have choices, and I could very easily take out a credit card and charge whatever I wanted at that moment.  However, by making the conscience decision to not hand over my plastic or cash, well, I'm in control.  Isn't that what we all want anyway, to be in control?  It's made things a lot nicer, if only in my own head

I'm trying hard to watch our money. No using credit cards AT ALL! If we don't have the cash, we don't get it. I have our bills set up on a monthly calendar, and I make sure to plan ahead if we go anywhere (i.e., we eat or bring snacks to the theme parks!). I also don't go the the store to "browse" anymore, and I'm much more careful with the amount of gas I use, especially since the price keeps climbing! I'm getting ideas for fun, at-home or nearby or free things to do this summer, and you know what? I don't mind it! It certainly cuts down on the guilt factor of should I/shouldn't I regarding purchases, and I find the stress isn't there as much. Except when I look into our bank account online. Which I don't try to do... much.

Hanging on my a thread here. I wonder what life would be like if I didn't have to worry about money. What would be different? What would I do? Where would I go? Even if I didn't have piles of money, I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have to stalk the bank and float checks... What would that feel like?