Someone asked me yesterday how I was "holding it all together." The question shocked me, because how else can I be? I can't fall apart, because I need to be the leader. I have to make sure things progress, I have to be certain that everything that is being done is, in fact, being done, and I have to be 100% convinced that I have exhausted all avenues before me. How can I do that if I'm an emotional disaster area?

In actuality, I think that I've become more focused. I have work, school, the "Ian Situation," the dilemma of trying to figure out how I'm going to get good quality childcare for Roo and trying not to be physically sick at the thought of having her somewhere away from me, and a marriage to think about. I find that I get a lot more accomplished because whichever ball I'm holding at the time is the one I have to hold on to and finish whatever I'm trying to excecute... If I don't, I'm going to drop them all.