I have a very strange mental condition (on top of the one that's been clinically diagnosed, LOL!), and I'm working hard on changing it. It seems like I have a grasp on it but the very moment I relax and stop focusing on it, that's when it all falls apart.

Honestly, it's like a fear of success. In a strange way, when ever I get close to something that I want I find myself sabotaging it. Be it the medical transcription, the losing weight, the happiness I've been feeling being so spiritually connected, it seems that I go out of my way to find ways to stop the flow of everything. I've noticed it especially with my contentment in where I am and who I have in my life. I keep doing things that make me see the pieces I'm missing rather than the expansive goodness I have, and I keep almost looking for things to bring me down.  I think I might want to think about why I do that, because it doesn't get me anywhere but closer to where I started versus where I want be.