I got my test back that I thought I would get, at minimum, a 98% on. It was considerably less than that, and I'm devastated! In this program you need to have at least a 93% GPA to secure a work-at-home job, and because of my two really low scores in the beginning I'm below that.

If I don't find a way to make this a success I'm going to be crushed. My parent's put a lot of faith in my by lending me the money to do this program, and I feel like I'm failing at every turn. I want to work from home so badly that I actually ache, and I'm beginning to feel as if something in the Universe is trying to keep my dream from becoming a reality for some reason. I've tried over 6 different things in order to make my dream come true, but none of them have afforded me the opportunity to stay home with my kids.

I want to be home to watch Roo grow. I want to know her little quirks, the little inflections that make her an individual, and I want to know that I am the one who raised her. I want to look back at this time and know that I gave my kids a foundation where family was stressed as being the #1 important thing in life, not a job.

With this, of course, comes a lot of anger. I'm walking around with a lot of anger that I'm trying to release, but it's hard when I'm so frustrated and feel so cornered. I'm mad at my husband for having this blood-sucking business that doesn't pay out a dime for us but holds our house hostage because of a decision that was made without me knowing about it. I'm mad at some members of my family for having the means to make their life so easy yet managing to screw it up and complain about it bitterly. I'm mad at still more people in my family who watch my husband struggle and refuse to help even though they have the means. I'm mad at people I know who manage to complain when they really don't have anything to complain about except those things that they created themselves.

I just want a chance to raise my family and be the best mom and wife I can. Is that asking for too much? Really?