I wonder sometimes about people. Well, I wonder all the time about people as a human race goes, but specific things about people seem to take up a lot of time of my active brain power.
The funny thing is that it seems that the people closest to me are making me the most curious. My husband, for one, is totally clueless it seems. He even made a comment to me today about how I have been "calmer" for the past week, and that I haven't "given him shit" for a while about things. This at first made me think that I should be upset, because if he really sees me as a nag then that can't be a good sign. But, I do know what he really means, and I'm just curious to see how much longer he's going to like the new me or if it's going to get old. Considering the fact he married me (so he says) in part was because of my "fire" and my "passion" for things, you'd think that this new laissez-faire attitude would make him wonder. Just now he called and asked me a question that before would have pissed me off and I would have let him know because, once again, I feel like he's choosing something over his family, but the new me just told him "Fine" and left it at that. He's probably loving it now, but we'll see what happens as the months go by and I just don't give enough to care.
I hope to adopt the same attitude with work. For as long as I'm stuck back there I plan to just do what I'm paid to do, then come home and forget all about it.
Since I decided that I'm tired of caring, tired of trying to make things work with people people who are just out for themselves, and tired of it feeling like I'm smashing my head (or, heart) against a wall and getting nowhere, thus making the decision to keep my heart out of everything I do, it's been so much easier. Smooth sailing all the way!
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New Jenn
Comments
Re: New Jenn
by
Spice
on Mon 28 Sep 2009 07:14 PM EDT | Permanent Link
Maybe it's not that you don't care - but that you're not letting things get to you like they used to? I tried the "I don't care" approach too the past few weeks and I noticed that it wasn't that I didn't care - because I did. I just didn't let it affect me like it would have in the past. Instead of getting mad about whatever it was (and I'm still working on that) I put my mind in the here and now of that moment and realized it wasn't worth it. Hugs!!!!!
Re: New Jenn
by
Anonymous
on Thu 01 Oct 2009 10:51 AM EDT | Permanent Link
Ahhhhhh, Jenn. Sometimes it feels good to take a step back and out of it!! It takes years off your life to have your "feelings" out in front all the time. I am awake at four every morning worrying about things that I can do nothing about. Men tend to see only what is right in front of them. We analyze everything with our feelings and our minds. We think too much!!! They tend to keep it "simple". Very simple. My husband is clueless most of the time. At one time in my life that would have hurt me and frightened me. Now I say "good" one less thing to worry about.
I also hate my job and the people I work with. All the friends I had at work were laid off. The rest of us are treated like we are only there to make a profit for the company. No one cares about us a human beings. They all talk about each other behind their backs. People that just started there are given the hours and ones like me, more than ten years, are not given enough to survive. I gave them my all for many years. Now, I do exactly what I have to and nothing more. I used to talk about it all the time and think about it everyday. I used to try to talk to my husband. He is a boss. He said I was a whiner and nobody likes people that complain. So much for sympathy and understanding. I am sure that men don't view much about work with any "feelings". I try to keep my job out of my mind. Brings to mind that old Doors song, "People are Strange". I listen to alot of music lately. Believe it or not, I still listen to our "skating" music every day. That was a great way to skate off stress!!! I miss it and you. Chin up. Love Cheryl Trackbacks
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