Here we go again: the tell-tale sick feeling in my stomach, the crying, the feelings of being completely trapped are surfacing once again.
I remember it from a long time ago, and the obvious course that I'm now on is so vivid in my head that I can't get away from it. I know what's coming and I'm sick to death of it! I worked so hard and ran so fast to get away from it, and now I'm smack in the middle of it again. This time has the potential to be worse though. This time I have more at stake, and the things working against me are more vile and evil then before because they don't have to work at being subtle.
These are the times when knowledge may not necessarily mean power. This might be the time when knowing too much only ends up hurting me, unless I can find a way to use what I know as a means of motivation and protection. I'm sick of games and have no desire to play, but sometimes life dictates actions that have to occur versus what we want to conduct.
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Continuation of Disgust
Comments
Re: Continuation of Disgust
by
Anonymous
on Fri 18 Sep 2009 09:48 PM EDT | Permanent Link
I saw this too late to call you now.
A TOTALLY random guess here-- if this has to do with what I am thinking, sometimes, meds are a GOOD thing. I completely agree with how you feel (the holistic, natural mindset) but NOBODY is SUPER MOM, SUPER WIFE, SUPER EMPLOYEE, etc. Are you stressing about FMLA? Get it extended. I will help you-- if you need it. Re: Re: Continuation of Disgust
by
Inner Ramblings of My Mind
on Sat 19 Sep 2009 08:21 AM EDT | Profile | Permanent Link
I can only be cryptic because I know a few people who read this are too close to the subject for me to be specific, but I can say that where I'm going to be soon is NOT where I want to be AT ALL.
I don't think I can extend my FMLA, unfortunately. It's been the 3 months and they're upset as it is. There's some other stuff too, so I need to really figure out if where I am and where I'm going is even close to where I want to be. I'm scared. Re: Continuation of Disgust
by
Anonymous
on Sat 19 Sep 2009 10:22 AM EDT | Permanent Link
I am doing the swim lesson thing with other people around me right now but I will call you later-- (when you won't be able to talk, of course)...
Whatever it is, you have a wonderful support system of family and friends (some who you don't talk to regularly but still think about you daily) as well as a unique guide who helps you be where you SHOULD be- always. Nobody I have ever met has the ability to "get though" something like you do. It's not all luck, it is also who you are and your ability to let it go and be as it is/as it should be. I wish I could give you all of the advice you've given me throughout the years but I am not as profound as you are. Just know that sometimes, things are not up to you-- it's already been decided for you and you are just along for the ride. No matter how stressful/disgusted/angry you get, the ending is how it was meant to be all along-- don't fight so hard against it. Re: Continuation of Disgust
by
Spice
on Mon 21 Sep 2009 02:39 PM EDT | Permanent Link
I think if you go the route you said today you'll be fine! The person above is very wise!!!!! You'll get there sweetie, I know it.
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