I like to think that I'm a good mother. Sometimes it does not appear that way though.

When Ian was little I used to get comments about how "strict" I was with him. I wouldn't tolerate the tantrums but I handled them coolly; usually I'd end up leaving where ever we were even if I'd just driven an hour to get there or if we were meeting up with friends. It was annoying and a few people got really upset with me that I'd "ditch" them and go home, but I have always had the midset that I'm trying to raise a competent, respectful, successful person, and if if that means leaving somewhere that we were going for fun then that's what is going to happen.

Anyway. I have gotten more lenient as the years have gone by. I don't know if it came about because of his "issues" or if I just gave him slack because of his age, but in my defense I wasn't doing it on purpose. I actually didn't even think anything of the change until the past few months and his mouth started to get a bit out of control. I have tried to be consistent with time-outs and the like, but what ever it is that I've been doing doesn't seem to be working all that well if his mouth is any indication.

Well, last night I lost it completely. I was excited because it was "Family Night at Tae-Kwon-Do and I had my parent's watching Roo so we could have some special time with Ian. We got there and watched him get his white belt, then class was over and the other kids were getting ready to leave. Ian's demenaor completely changed and he began hanging on me and whining. I atributed it to being tired, but I also asked him to please sit in a chair. He refused, then refused to fix his pants when I asked him to, then he kept inturrupting me when I was talking. He eventually got a 5 minute time out to do when we got home for acting up.

He fell apart at that and started crying and yelling so I took him to the car to do it there in hopes he'd calm down. He wouldn't sit in his seat correctly, kept screaming and crying... I kept telling him that time wouldn't start until he was quiet, then he slid out of the seat. I asked him to get up and he wouldn't... I gave him another 5 minutes and he started yelling, and when I told him that I he had to get in the chair he gave me this smile-type-smirk-thing and said "no", so I walked to the back of the truck where he couldn't see me. He was finally quiet so I walked back and he had his feet on the back of the seat where he knows they aren't supposed to be, and when I told him to put them down he looked me dead in the eye and said "No. And you can't make me."

Seriously, I about came unglued. I'm hot, it's rush-hour and people are driving all crazy in the parking lot and I have the back door of my car wide open taking up a spot, there are people everywhere... I yanked him from the car as he's screaming and crying, marched him back to the place, told Sean we were leaving and told him that he needed to come outside RIGHT NOW is that half-crazed voice that happens when you're pushed to the limit, marched Ian back to the car, and basically threw him in the back seat. The Sensi was all, "What happened? Was it something we did?" and Sean and my friend were saying things like, "Wow, I've never seen her this mad." There were all these parents around and I just pushed through them all... Ugh.

The worst part about it is that I'm embarrassed. I did what I did so that Ian wouldn't be embarrassed for crying and carrying on, but I'm the one who ended up being stared at.  I now have to see these people every day when I pick Ian up which is going to be great... I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to raise a good person so it shouldn't matter what other people think.