I feel so lost. I look at this perfect little creature I have been blessed with, and I just can't fathom that anything can really be amiss with her.

We got up at 5:30 this morning to get both kids ready. My Dad got here at 6:15am and decided to take Ian to breakfast before dropping him off at camp for the day. We were packed up and ready to go with Roo by 6:30am, and got to the Day Surgery Center at Children's Hospital (even after getting the wrong directions from the information lady!).

They got Roo's paperwork done and called to confirm the "without contrast" order. After that they got the sedative ready, and it was a relief to find out that it was going to be an oral liquid vs. a full IV! However, she did not take kindly to the medication at all and attempted to spit it out. We ended up having to tip her back, shoot it into her mouth, and then I had to blow in her face to make her swallow. She was so mad, and she kept looking at me with these accusatory eyes! She wouldn't even let me hold her after that, but after about 10 minutes she ended up falling asleep so it didn't really matter.

They wheeled her down the hallways in a little radioflyer wagon, poped her in the maching, and after 5 mintues she was done. She woke up the minute she was taken out of the machine, so when we got back to her room we gave her a bottle and were cleared to leave the hospital.

We came home and Roo and I napped, then we went to the hospital to pick up the films as requested by the specialist. The report ended up being in the envelope as well, and like a fool I read it.

There is no kidney stone, but there is a cyst on the left side just as the pediatrician originally felt. It's 1.1 cm X 1.1 cm and the report suggests a more detailed abdominal scan be done. We've faxed the report to the pedi who will be in tomorrow, and we've spoken to a few nurses we know, none of whom made me feel much better about any of this. Apparently the cyst is quite large for someone her age, and the major factor is going to be if the cyst is fluid-filled or solid. Either way they're going to have to do something, which basically means surgery to drain it or remove it.

 I'm calling the specialist tomorrow to see if we need to switch who we're seeing, since this guy is the kidney specialist and she's going to need a pelvic/gastro specialist. I don't want to be going to two appointments and delaying anything if I can help it!

I'm dying. Literally dying inside. I can't believe this is happening. I seriously thought that there was nothing wrong with her, that the report was going to be negative all the way through. How can this be?!

On the flip side, I am SO HAPPY that Sean and I went ahead and got this done rather than listening to the specialist when he said it was probably nothing and we didn't necessarily have to get the CT scan done. I really didn't want to do the sedation, but it was worth it if it minds finding this thing early and fixing my baby.