What an awesome day! We hung out this morning as a family and then went to my brother's house to watch their 3 boys. Sean left about a half hour into it, and my mother and I stayed and bar-b-qued, swam in the pool with the kids, and talked. My Dad showed up a bit later and we cooked more food, drank some beer, and hung out with the kids. My brother and S-I-L came home and we all hung out, then I got home and got the kids settled in for the night.

Sean got home and we had dinner, and now we're going to watch Yes Man. I'm looking forward to that movie.

I just love weekends like this- full of family, friends, and fun!

I'm looking forward to a relaxing night. Sean's out helping my brother and sister-in-law, so I'm going to be here with the kids alone. I'm going to study after they're in bed, and I plan on getting to bed early in order to take full advantage of the weekend!

I am so happy that it's a short week this week. I am over work, over worrying about clients, and over worrying about the contract changes that are coming up. Let the weekend begin!

Today was Ian's last karate day. I thought he'd be upset, but he handled it very well. He knows that camp is what we can afford this summer- not both things.

His IEP was yesterday and he's now out of the IEP program. They say that he's met all of his behavior and speech goals so he's now discharged. They had glowing things to say about his too; how happy they were that they were able to meet him because he's so sensitive and caring, how smart he is for his age, and that he's one of those types of kids that don't come along too often (in a good way, LOL!). They said that they are expecting "great things" from him!

I wonder if I'll ever stop missing the children I lost. Most days I'm OK, and on the days that I do think about what could have been I don't find myself getting depressed, but rather pensive about where my life would be if things had been successful.

Today was a little bit different though. My mom went to a new doctor and they discussed all of her health problems. The doctor was very familiar with the prothrombin gene mutation and asked if I had experienced any miscarriages, to which my mother said I had (of course). That got me thinking about the time-line of how things had played out, how guilty I feel about losing these children that didn't stand a chance because I didn't know what I had, about how much I adore my Roo and that she wouldn't exist if either of my other 2 pregnancies had gone to term which made me feel guilty for thinking about that at all... The strangest thing that I realized today, that I really thought about, is that I would have a 2-year-old in the house now, complete with their own personality and own little life, and yet becasue I have this mutation, that little soul never had the chance to enter this world and experience life.

That sucks.