My mind has been in such a state of turmoil lately. I find myself crying on my way into work; I feel like nothing I do there is noticed one way or another and, while I'm there not making any sort of difference at all, my kids are growing up without a mother. I know that's ridiculous because Roo is with my Mom for the day and Ian is at school so it isn't like they're abandoned, but I really feel like I'm missing out on something. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think that's because my mind is jammed full with so much extra garbage I can't pinpoint what is really the matter with me.

I'm tired of worrying about money. I'm tired of wondering how we're going to pay the next bill that comes in. I'm tired of people who get to stay at home with their kids yet complain about it constantly. I'm tired of the selfishness of people who cannot seem to get over the fact that world is a much bigger place then the spot where they are standing, and I'm especially over the two-faced people who seem to make it their very purpose in life to hurt the people who they claim to be close to. I'm tired of passive-aggressiveness, tired of lies, tired of cut-throat business. I'm sick of politics, the who did what to whom, and the "poor me" syndrome that seems so popular (even with me). I'm disgusted with how mean everyone is to each other every chance they get, and the sick thrill of the results that seem to press some people forward into even nastier behavior. I hate the feeling of not giving a shit anymore, and I loathe the growing panic that's settling in to the pit of my stomach.

I want OFF this ride!