It's funny- when I'm in a bad mood, sad, scared, whatever, I hide it. Some people get upset when they realize this (mainly my husband because he thinks that I don't talk to him but that I do talk to my friends, which is not true at all), but there's a good reason for this: I have found, through the years, that no one really cares. Oh sure, people want to know why I'm upset or sad, but as for people actually caring? I don't buy it.

I used to tell the world how I was feeling. I'd tell anyone who'd listen and, naive as it was, I expected that someone other than me would actually take the time to empathize and/or try to help me.  However, as I've gotten older and my heart has been hurt too many times to count, I realize that there is just me and that I am the only person I can rely on. Everyone is busy with their own lives and their own battles, their own circumstances and their own experiences, and my emotions are just a brief hiatus from their own. That's just the way life is, and I've come to understand that it is not a reflection of me or the person I am but rather a commentary on how busy and hectic the world is.

Along with this knowledge comes the realization that I am the only one who can fix my problems. I can't rely on anyone else to solve what needs to be figured out, so why would I bother to discuss it? What good does it do to "share my feelings" when all that does is put myself and my feelings 'out there' without a resolution?  What's the use?

Does this mean that I'm jaded, or does it just mean that I've figured out how to keep myself safe? I honestly think that keeping quiet is smarter than letting it be known that your heart is breaking, because when you do admit to vulnerability and pain and not a soul even responds it's much, much worse then bearing the burden alone.

Right now Roo is sleeping. I ended up leaving work, picking her up, and walking to the school to get Ian. We had a pleasant walk back looking for rocks (for our Leprechaun traps), and now we're going to do his new "ABC Music & Me" CD.

I am trying to focus on my time with them rather than anything else right now.