I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach and I hate it. It's a feeling I know well and I am trying everything in my power to keep it squashed down where it won't do me much harm, but I can feel the fingers of it slipping around my heart. My stomach is churning and I find myself constantly in that "what's going to happen?" mindset- you know, the one where you're jumpy and just waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

Unfortunately, at this point I'm living in a situation where no one can help me. I have to move through this on my own and, even though I've been at this very spot more times than I can count, it's just as painful as it was the first time. I don't quite believe that there is any way to keep this from happening to me, but I sure wish I could figure out a way to at least smooth the edges! I know medication would help, but that's a road that I don't want to travel down.

I know it's also somewhat situational. I want to work from home so badly that I ache, but I just can't find a way to do that. I know I'm studying and working toward making it happen, but I'm so far away...  If I could even find a job that's part-time in an office and the rest of the time at home I could deal with that, but nothing seems so flexible.

I feel like I'm missing out on my kids' lives and it's breaking my heart...