I'm sad in a way that's unfamiliar to me.

 I got some news yesterday that has me in shock still, and unfortunately there's no one that I can go to for any answers. I'm hoping that on Sunday I may have a vague idea about what's going to happen from here on out, but I can't be sure of that. I have absolutely no way to go about unraveling what happened, and I am completely, 100% unable to change what's happened/is happening.

The sadness is different from anything I've felt because it affects a part of me that hasn't ever been touched by loss. I'm not even sure what to do for myself (and the rest!) because I have no one close to me who shares this part of my life. There's only 1 person who I can eventually talk to, but I can't say anything until I'm sure she knows... It's heartbreaking to be losing something that's become such a big part of my life.