I got caught up reading old emails yesterday. I periodically do a search on my gmail using key words that pop up a lot but hold messages that I don't read (like bonusmail stuff or old exercise articles), but sometimes I get told email that gmail stores. I found one last night from an old mom's group that I belonged to, and it was dated 2005! I read it and started laughing because, even though the end of my time with them was pretty hurtful, I had a lot of good times with them.

I found a lot of messages like that, and I'm not sure what I want to do about it. I read through a bunch that held so many memories! I was a bit downhearted, but I didn't stay sad for long. I guess I'm more pensive about those things now? I wonder what happened, if I ran away from something rather than facing it, and thus missing out on more good times that could have been had, did I "bit my nose to spite my face" because I was angry and felt slighted... I don't like the "what if" game, but sometimes I find myself falling into it so easily!

I thought about permenantly deleting the messages, especially the ones that were between me and a handful of different people that were so full of hurt and misunderstandings (that I don't think were ever truly resolved, but sometimes it really is too late), but on the flip side of that I think that they might serve me well to keep. They serve as reminders, both of my past and of thing that I want to be careful to not repeat! I guess since I read them and didn't get that crushing loss of breath that I had in the past I'll keep them; I must be truly moving forward and letting go...