Things are... good. I made a conscience decision to work with what I have, and the results were better than I anticipated. I'm not happy to be back at work, but I am able to see the good in what I have. I've chosen to not focus on the negative aspects of it all but to rather find the parts that make it good and make them even better!

I'm amazed at the calm I feel. Since I made the decision to focus on the good and cut out the negative completely, I feel so much better about things. Sure I worry, but in all honesty I find that just makes me crazy, LOL! When I start thinking something negative I mentally yell "STOP!" in my head, and I am able to switch my mindset to a more positive view.

I've made some decisions about the "extra" in my life as well. I can't believe how stupid I've been about some things, but it all stops now. I know where I need to go, who I need to lean on, and the fact that it's all so crystal clear in my mind has me almost giddy. There's nothing clouding my mind or my heart anymore; no more "what if", no more "what could have been", and no more, "I wish it was". There's no where to go but forward from this point on, and I'm so excited to begin my travels with less baggage!!!!

I don't know why I've been so concerned with the outside when I know very well that it all begins with the inside. How can I expect the outer parts of my life to conform to what I want and need when the inside of my mind is full of so much negativity? How can I expect people to live up to my expectations when I'm not even sure what those expectations are? It isn't fair to the people in my life who continue to shoulder my pain with me, and it isn't fair to me either. I need to give myself some time and exert some energy into finding out what's going on in my head before I allow myself to go into a tailspin. I deserve that.