I feel better today. I did a lot of thinking yesterday/last night, and my mindset has shifted. Basically I'm going to try to keep my spirits up and be thankful that I have a job, because I'd rather be in a miserable circumstance with a good attitude than in a fucked-up situation with a hateful heart.

I'm taking all of this as a learning experience too. I've learned what I really want in life, I know who I can trust completely, who I need to let go of, and  how to access strength I didn't even know I had. Most importantly, I learned that I can survive emotionally as long as I believe in myself and continue to be the person I know I can be. I don't want to let myself down again. No one else is responsible for holding me up; I need to be able to do it myself without hoping someone else is going to do it for me. I need to take responsibility for what's happening and fix it myself, not wait in hopes that someone is going to do it for me!

I am also feeling pretty confident that I got final confirmation on some things I was wondering about. People are nothing if not consistent in their behavior, and for some reason I let that become a grey area. It's unusual for me because I'm usually a "hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me" kind of person, but there are a few aspects of my life were I did not live by that rule for one reason or another. Everything happens for a reason, and I think that, if nothing else, part of this situation was in an effort to prove to me once and for all to keep my heart safe. I need to keep myself protected, so that's what I'm going to do from here on out.