I am sitting here wondering how it's possible to feel so alone in a world that is stuffed full of people. I'm beginning to wonder if more people = more chance of disappointment, or if the feeling is just something that I've been cursed with and am destined to live with my whole life. I remember starting to feel lonely once I hit grade school age; I had tons of friends and was surrounded by people, but I always felt alone in the social aspect of my life. I was one of those people who learned early on that you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone, or you could be physically alone and feel perfectly settled in your existence. Unfortunately for me, I was usually the one laughing and partying with my friends while my soul felt as if it were in a dark box with no exit in sight. Over the years I've worked very hard to change my thinking and change my heartstrings, but I don't think that was something I should have done. I should have left myself alone.

I feel like I'm in the vortex and there's nowhere to grab on to stop it. I've tried to throw my hands out once or twice, but my fingers seem to have been ripped off of whatever grasp I had. Worse than loosing my grip, however, was getting my reach ignored completely. I don't think you ever get over something like that.