I'm at a loss about what to do. My son is having a really hard time behaviorally and it's breaking my heart. He's on yellow or red almost every day in school (one day he was even given both yellow AND red!), and he lost his belt in TaeKwonDo for behavior reasons. He lost it last week and has yet to earn it back.

On Thursday I was completely exasperated and yelled, "Ian, I don't understand the problem. What is going on with you?!" and he started to cry. He said that he wants to go back to his old class; that this class is too hard for him. I suspect that's true because, although the rules haven't changed from his classroom last year, the teacher is much more strict and this one isn't an ESE class, so I doubt there's as much tolerance in this class now.

Anyway.

When he got both yellow and red on Thursday I flipped out a little bit. I took away his computer and his TV through Sunday, and I also took away our trip to SeaWorld this Sunday (he had been warned that all of this would happen so it wasn't like I sprang it on him). He took it okay. He was good yesterday so I let him "earn" his computer back yesterday (off at 8pm though) because he got green and was good at TKD, and then I told him to brush his teeth before bed.

Well. You would have thought that I told him he had to live outside or something. He COMPLETELY fell apart! I mean the sobbing, heart-breaking crying that just tears your heart out. After about 10 minutes he finally stopped and started trying to negotiate with me about times he *would* brush his teeth if I didn't make him brush them that night.

So. I am beginning to think that he feels totally out of control and feels like he has no choice in what happens during the day. I mean, I drop him off early so he can have breakfast (I can't believe he goes to eat by himself, BTW), but then he has rules all day, then he gets picked up by the TKD people where he is until 6pm. It's REALLY structured there from 4-6pm because that's when they have the session.

What can I do? I try to give him options about dinner, homework, things we do on the weekend, but I don't think that's really what he's looking for. We've discussed going on an "Ian Day" if he gets all green for the month, but maybe I need to shorten the expectation for a week? I'm afraid that he'll just give up trying if he keeps getting yellow and red! I'm also afraid that he's going to get a reputation for being "that kid". I think it's already happening because she took the time to write "much better day" on his chart this Friday. sigh

This is the first time I've been at a COMPLETE loss. I told the school he still needed services and I tried to get him diagnosed so he could get a 504 plan but I was shot down. He aged-out of the IEP he had, so I'm going to have to push push push to get the ball rolling again (if that's what we need done).

I wish he didn't have to go to TKD every day, but I have to have a place that picks him up from school. I'm going back to work soon, and with the new structures that are in place and that are going to be put in place, I'm not going to be able to pick him up. This may change if I start working at the facility that I went to a few days ago, but I'm not sure if there's going to be a position there or not (still waiting on details), so for now this is the reality I have to work with.