Things are moving along at warp speed. I cannot believe it's Halloween! Ian had to go with my parents and my brother and SIL trick-or-treating because Roo is sick. I have a feeling her throat infection is turning into bronchitis, which means I'll have 2 kids on asthma treatments. Yuck!

This week at work has been amazing. I can't go into any detail right now, but if things work out the way that I think they might, there may be a lot of changes ahead. My mind is a jumble of thoughts right now and they keep vacillating between good and bad. I'm trying to keep a positive mindset, but I also don't want to set myself up for disappointment if I'm completely off base about the implications of what happened. Time will tell, and by mid-week I should have a better handle on where my path is going to take me. I'm truly hoping for something big but, again, I know I need to keep my feet on the ground until I know 100% either way.

There are so many things going on in my head that I can't believe I've gotten any studying done the past few days! I'm glad Sean's last night of work is tonight- maybe now I can stop fantasizing about the guy on the radio show that I listen to!

My feet are all messed up after my day in the jail. My feet were getting used to being free or having slippers on all the time, so wearing dress shoes again is making them hurt. I actually have the skin rubbed off of my toe joint (you know, the one on your foot that's just below your big toe?), and Roo tried to pull it off for me this afternoon. OUCH!

Both kiddos are sick right now too. Ian has a sinus infection and uncontrolled asthma which means liquid steroid, inhaled steroid, antibiotics, albuteral, DM cough syrup and then a daytime syrup. Roo has a throat infection which means antibiotics for her too.

I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that I have to be back at work when both of my kids are sick. Luckily I was able to go in at 6am two days so I was out early, and the other days I did a compressed amount of client work and then did the notes at home so I could pick Ian up before his TKD lessons started and then get Roo from my parents.

Things are a little bit strange at the office. I'm trying to figure out who's done the changing, me or them. I am enjoying some parts of being back to work, but the other parts just remind me why I want to be home with my kids. I'm also trying to keep myself a little more "separate" from my co-workers too. It's hard because I like them all very much, but I feel like things may be used against me in some way, so it's safer for me to keep a part of me isolated. I guess kind of like I'm trying to do in my personal life too!

I still am amazed by life and it's circumstances. It seems like no matter what happens, every time I turn around there is some wonderful, amazing thing that occurs out of even the worst situations. I'd like to think that it's in part in response to my desire to see the good, but I don't think I have much to do with it really, LOL!

Today after court I started talking to my boss and the new staff member our team has. We started discussing my garden, organic foods, hydroponics, and from there we somehow got on the subject of spirits. As we got deeper into the subject I started realizing that this other person has a lot of similar feelings and views on things that I do. She started talking about Churches and metaphysics, and I slowly broached the subject of Science of the Mind to see what kind of response I got. It was amazing! Not only does she believe in the philosophy of Science of the Mind, but she actually has attended my Church! Not only that; she regularly attends a metaphysical Church which is not 5 minutes from my house!! It's a place called The Soul Mirror , and I had been looking at that very place to do some meditation classes but they didn't have a time that fit my schedule. Apparently they now have a Church session, so I was invited to tag along with her when she goes, and she wants to come with me to The Tampa Bay Church. She's actually studying to become a minister (she's on her first class), and it's making me do some thinking about what I want out of my spiritual life as well.

It's funny how the phrase "God (i.e. the Universe) never closes one door without opening another" keeps running through my head... I've been feeling so spiritually lost lately because there's no one to hold any discussions with about what I'm reading and learning and feeling, and here is a person who is in the middle of a place I was desperate to avoid who holds what I find near and dear to my soul right in her own. If that isn't two worlds crashing together to prove a point, I don't know what is!

As the seasons change and and leaves start to fall
I wonder if you know what blessings you are.
You've touched my life and brightened my soul,
A life in pieces now amazingly whole.

My heart was not full until you safely arrived,
A heart that was mourning those who did not survive.
You complete my family, My hopes and my dreams,
I now know true peace and all that it means.

Your presence a miracle,
A blessing, a gift-
Wondrous events my spirit to lift.

Lives entrusted to me
By the Universe divine and
The Powers that be,
Because of your presence,
I know what life truly means.

Born to be your Mother,
A wandering lost soul
I've now found my answer,
My long-lost foothold.

I've been waiting for you,
My daughter and son, 
Amazed that life's struggle has truly been won.

Things are... good. I made a conscience decision to work with what I have, and the results were better than I anticipated. I'm not happy to be back at work, but I am able to see the good in what I have. I've chosen to not focus on the negative aspects of it all but to rather find the parts that make it good and make them even better!

I'm amazed at the calm I feel. Since I made the decision to focus on the good and cut out the negative completely, I feel so much better about things. Sure I worry, but in all honesty I find that just makes me crazy, LOL! When I start thinking something negative I mentally yell "STOP!" in my head, and I am able to switch my mindset to a more positive view.

I've made some decisions about the "extra" in my life as well. I can't believe how stupid I've been about some things, but it all stops now. I know where I need to go, who I need to lean on, and the fact that it's all so crystal clear in my mind has me almost giddy. There's nothing clouding my mind or my heart anymore; no more "what if", no more "what could have been", and no more, "I wish it was". There's no where to go but forward from this point on, and I'm so excited to begin my travels with less baggage!!!!

I don't know why I've been so concerned with the outside when I know very well that it all begins with the inside. How can I expect the outer parts of my life to conform to what I want and need when the inside of my mind is full of so much negativity? How can I expect people to live up to my expectations when I'm not even sure what those expectations are? It isn't fair to the people in my life who continue to shoulder my pain with me, and it isn't fair to me either. I need to give myself some time and exert some energy into finding out what's going on in my head before I allow myself to go into a tailspin. I deserve that.