I got an out-of-the-blue message last night from someone who has been thinking, for years apparently, that my behavior toward her and her family has been something short of acceptable. I don't really have much more to say about it than that because the reasoning behind it is ridiculous (other than the fact that it's something she feels and believes and that isn't ridiculous at all).... Anyway, I tried to be diplomatic in my response to her, but I got her response this morning that proves her ideas and interpretations are going to be forefront in her mind and nothing I can do or say will change them.

To be honest I didn't try too hard. In the past I would have done the "Oh-no-I'm-so-sorry-I-suck" thing, sent emails to that effect, and worried about it for hours at a time until the situation was resolved, but I'm over people playing the victim. I'm done apologizing for people's interpretations of my behavior because of some deep-seeded thing that fucked them up in the past, or because they can't understand why my life doesn't appear to have a niche carved out with their name on it. I'm especially over people blaming me for outcomes of situations that have absolutely nothing to do with me.

Thank you very much, but I think I've done my time on the emotional upheaval bandwagon. I'm done worrying about other people and their misguided views of me. I've learned that I can explain myself until I'm blue in the face, but that doesn't change people's heart-felt response to me in the long run so why continue to try and change what can't be unchanged? Isn't that the very definition of insanity?

Plus, what ever happened to conversation? What's with the emails, innuendos on blogs, and other such 'hidden' attempts at talking to someone? I'm about over that too. I'm to the point where I'm not going to "talk" to anyone over the computer anymore: If you want to continue a friendship with me, you damn well know how to find me.