No matter how crappy I feel, being up to watch the sunrise in the morning makes me feel better. I don't know why that is; I almost feel like I'm watching my life unfold before me and I have the chance to make the day whatever I want it to be.

I am debating on going in to work or not. If I didn't have Court today I wouldn't bother, but my co-worker has covered for me a few times and I don't want to ask her to go to Court again for me. Plus, it's one of my favorite clients who's going today and I'd hate to miss it. I feel really sick though. I had a stomach ache for hours yesterday and finally broke down and took some Tums. I was able to fall asleep around 11pm, but I didn't have the most restful sleep. I still feel the ache, but at least I can breathe now. I have no idea how I'll be feeling once I start moving around... Guess that will be the true test!

This weekend has been great! I'm almost done with my real estate studying (two chapters to go!), and yesterday Sean lay the flooring in Ian's room so that's all done. I was able to read a book cover-to-cover, then I took Ian to the pool for a few hours. My mom came too so I got to catch up with her, and then I went to the store for some nice fresh veggies, fruit, and some veggie sushi. Ian fell asleep around 6:30pm, so Sean and I had a nice evening together.

Friday night was good too. I wanted to go to Sweet Tomatos but Ian really didn't want to, so my parents said they'd watch him. Sean and I got to eat out alone, and we had  a really great time! We were able to finish sentences without, "Mommy, can we go now?" and, "Daddy, what's that?" thrown in, and we had a few laughs about our past relationships. The nicest conversation we had was when we were discussing a couple we know that has children, yet the mom seems to never be home. It's up to Dad to do the parenting and Mom seems to enjoying being gone and working all the time, and even on weekends they don't seem to spend time together as a family! I made the comment, "I just don't understand that. Spending time with you and Ian are the best times of my life," and Sean said, "I know it. It's like that's the center and the rest just happens around it."

This week should be OK with work. I have Court 2 days this week which should be alright (although I'm not looking forward to the hearing tomorrow due to the Division I have to be in), but the rest of my week is looking laid-back. I have some paperwork that needs to get done, but other than that I'm pretty caught up.

I have dinner plans for Thursday night that I'm excited for. My friend Kim and I are trying to plan a little get-away for a night or two so we can both regain our sanity, LOL!  I think I'll bring our time-share books so we can pick a place and figure out costs. I just wish I could drink!!!!

There is only one crimp in my 'perfection' right now, and I'm trying to figure it all out in my mind. Thanks to my earlier pledge to back off of things and not give 100% of myself my heart isn't as involved as it could be, but I'm still a bit hurt by it all. To keep it vague I'll just say that I was pretty much shown that my support and friendship is not needed anymore. I had suspected it anyway, but things had appeared to change so I took a chance only to be, for lack of a better term, ignored. *shrug* I guess it's better to know for certain now rather than having to wonder and be hurt all the time when I heard that I was being passed over... again. People change and friendships change; I just need to keep reminding myself that people enter our lives for a reason, just as they step out again for another.

Happy Weekend, all!

I'm halfway done with my real estate! I had forgotten just how much I hate it, though. I really should have followed the instructor's advice and done the stupid thing right after getting my license since the information, of the most part, is the SAME!

Bug is moving and shaking like no body's business. Yesterday in Court she was kicking so hard that my name tag (which I ware on a lariat) was bouncing of my stomach. The attorney's were getting a kick out of that! It's amazing to think that something (er, someone) who's only about 9 inches long can create such havoc, LOL. Of course, then I start thinking things like, Oh my God there is an actual human being inside of me!!!! and start getting weirded out.

I love being pregnant. I love everything about it. I love the tiredness, the weight gain, the inability to breath... and I love knowing that Sean and I created a miracle. Every day my daughter gets closer to being here with us and, every day, I celebrate the fact that she's healthy and that she's thriving. I can't explain how blessed I feel!

I sometimes wonder if my two losses make this a more awe-inspiring experience or if I'd be this blissfully happy anyway. I can't help but think I'd be complaining about the daily Lovonex shots, weekly progesterone, the possibility of a C-section, the aches and pains, and the fact that I've seen a number on the scale I swore I'd never see if I hadn't been through what I have. Honestly, I haven't complained one day since getting that positive pregnancy test!

I'm trying very hard to keep the mantra "Want what you have," going in my head. I keep thinking about the future and where I want to be, what I want to do, what I want to change, when the truth of the matter is that I'm pretty happy where I am right now.

There are things in my life that need definite work, but those things are going to take a lot of time and energy. I need to focus on the journey of getting to the end versus the destination, because I find myself missing the 'here and now'! The problem with that is I might miss something important, something that can help guide me, or an answer to one of my problems. Since life is all about the trip anyway, why am I trying to rush?

I hope this is not a prelude to my coming week!

I got up early because I have Court toady. I got Ian and myself all ready to leave; lunches packed, bedding together (for him, not me), totally dressed... and as I walked to the laundry room to turn off the light I tripped over his toy ambulance. If it hadn't been pushed up against the wall it probably would have created less of a disaster because it has wheels and moves, but it was stationary which caused my ankle to twist and the corner of the truck to dig into that annoyingly big vein by your ankle bone. OMG, it started to swell right away and poor Ian started freaking out... He got me his "ice pig" from the freezer and we put that on there for 10 minutes, but man does it still hurt! It's turning an interesting shade of light purple and green in one spot, my ankle bone is pretty much non-existent, and it hurts all the way through my sciatic nerve.

Lovely.

More painful still is that right now I'm on the couch watching "Blue's Clues" because I can't get up to get the remote... or the rest of my coffee! Magenta and Joe might be easier to take if I had some Pralines and Cream in my system.... But hey, I can find the silver lining here: At least it isn't "Yo Gabba-Gabba"!

I called in 2 hours late to work so I can avoid walking the 8 blocks to the Courthouse which I hated to do because I'm trying to save all my time for after Bug arrives, but it can't be helped I guess. I cringe every time I move so I can't imagine walking to my office building!

 

Edited to add: It is now 11am and I am burned OUT! I called my mom to see if she could take Ian to school but she didn't answer so I limped my way around and got him into the car by 8am. As I'm driving to the school she calls and, during our conversation, I realize I don't have my checkbook to pay the school. I turn around and go back, borrow a check from her, then drive to the school.

When I get there I realize that I forgot Ian's karate outfit and the 'special' things for their event today. Back home I go (another 30 minutes) and stop at the store on the way to get the 'special' things they need. I get home and limp in to get the outfit, realize I forgot the "most special" thing they requested, and hit the store again. Finally I drive back to his school (30 minutes) drop everything off, turn around and drive back (30 minutes) and am now sitting here about to blow my top and rip my foot off.

In between all of this I have had the phone to my ear continuously to set up Court dates for violations, deal with clients whom appear to have lost all senses of reality, speak to VERY CRANKY providers, and have managed to miss my Court hearing.

Please, oh please, can Monday be over yet?