I’m no good at lying. I can lie if it’s necessary to save someone’s feelings, but if it’s a little while lie, I’m horrible. Case in point:

This morning I made coffee for me and Sean. When I went to get the cream I noticed that we didn’t have much left so while I poured my coffee, I cautioned him that he couldn’t make his usual “Half Coffee/Half Cream” concoction. I added cream and Stevia to my coffee, sat on the couch for ten minutes in a sort of trance while I drank it, and then got up to make myself another cup.

Sean still hadn’t gotten up to make his coffee at this point so I pulled the cream back out of the refrigerator and arranged his coffee cup and NutraSweet on the counter for him. I poured my coffee, poured the cream… and then noticed how incredibly light the container was.

Uh-Oh.

For a moment I wondered how to absolve myself of guilt because I really did feel guilty about using all the cream, especially after lecturing him. I thought about grabbing my keys and going to the corner store, but I didn’t feel that bad… So I had a brilliant idea: Add water to what little cream was left!

Stealth-like, I made my way to the refrigerator and positioned the container under the dispenser. I tried to distract him- “Look! A Ferrari’s going down our road!” and pushed the lever. Quick as that, I threw the container back in the refrigerator and congratulated myself on a job well done.

When Sean got up to get his coffee (after telling me I was crazy to mistake a Geo Prizm for a Ferrari), I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Pick up mug, add coffee, add sixteen packets of blue crap, take mug to refrigerator, pour in cream… Success! He didn’t notice that the cream was unusually light in color…

“Hey, what’s wrong with this cream? It looks like water? What the hell?”

Uh-oh.

I tried to look innocent, but I could feel my lips rise in the familiar I’m-really-sorry-I-suck-and-I-know-you-know-I-did-it grin. I could feel my eyes widen in mock-horror and begin to tear in response to held-in laughter…

His eyes narrowed. He looked in his coffee cup, then at me, gazed into the container of creamy water, and back at me again. “Heyyyyyy. You suck!”

Busted.