I realized some amazing things about myself the past two days.

1. I am a very emotional creature
2. I am an idiot
3. I am an idiot with a severe control issue

For some reason, losing what I spent over 15 hours in complete turmoil over has sent an amazing sense of calm over me. I am 100% certain that all of this unraveled a mere few hours before I even knew it for a reason or reasons that I'm unaware of. I was so sure, especially after learning what I did about the people involved, that there was no way we could lose out, but we did. And I'm OK.

When I heard about it from my Dad I kept waiting for the explosion, the usual spark that turns into a wildfire before I know it. I did feel a twinge, but nothing more. Stranger still, I smiled all night and feel fine.

Renewed faith that everything really is as it should be? The knowledge that we aren't really as stuck as we seem and I do have some control of the direction of our lives? Getting another glimpse of how wonderful my family really is? Complete control freak? A 33 year old hiding an extremely self-centered 13 year old who's only happy when she gets her way?

I'm really not sure....

I do have a sudden urge for a toasted marshmallow. That is not really relevant to the subject of this blog, but I can almost taste the darn thing. Maybe I'll light the fire pit tonight and cook some. Ohhh, S'mores!!!!!

Perhaps I need medication.