I've always been curious about the police. I went to a college that was known for it's high amount of criminal justice turnouts; in fact my dream was to be a State Police Officer. I got to my second semester sophomore year before I decided I needed to change my major so I had a good background in the field, and my interest has continued over the years.

I've been interested in the supplies cops need, especially when I learned that the majority of purchases are up to the officers to make! I've browsed around at different sites and have found all sorts of cool things like guns, night vision (cool!) equipment, steel-toed shoes, flashlights... but my favorite site is www.LApolicegear.com. They offer all sorts of necessary equipment like 5.11 Shorts, under-armor, holsters, and more, and they even have a closeout section. Good deals for some of the most underpaid hero's in this Country!

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I realized some amazing things about myself the past two days.

1. I am a very emotional creature
2. I am an idiot
3. I am an idiot with a severe control issue

For some reason, losing what I spent over 15 hours in complete turmoil over has sent an amazing sense of calm over me. I am 100% certain that all of this unraveled a mere few hours before I even knew it for a reason or reasons that I'm unaware of. I was so sure, especially after learning what I did about the people involved, that there was no way we could lose out, but we did. And I'm OK.

When I heard about it from my Dad I kept waiting for the explosion, the usual spark that turns into a wildfire before I know it. I did feel a twinge, but nothing more. Stranger still, I smiled all night and feel fine.

Renewed faith that everything really is as it should be? The knowledge that we aren't really as stuck as we seem and I do have some control of the direction of our lives? Getting another glimpse of how wonderful my family really is? Complete control freak? A 33 year old hiding an extremely self-centered 13 year old who's only happy when she gets her way?

I'm really not sure....

I do have a sudden urge for a toasted marshmallow. That is not really relevant to the subject of this blog, but I can almost taste the darn thing. Maybe I'll light the fire pit tonight and cook some. Ohhh, S'mores!!!!!

Perhaps I need medication.