"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength." – A. J. Cronin

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View Article  Dooms Day

My mom should be about out of surgery now. She went in at 12:45pm, but they cautioned that there may be some delay if any surgeries ran past their time. So, I'm not stressing out that my Dad hasn't called me yet.

I've cried a lot today. I cried this morning when I couldn't get my mom to answer the phone, then I cried after I finally spoke to her. I said "I love you," to her which I think I've said maybe three times in my adult life, and I cried then, too. I came home and did some work, and then cried again when I realized I was starting to bleed. I have a call in to my OB to see if they want to see me or not, if they want me to wait it out and let nature take it's course...

It's been a sucky day.

View Article  Blah

I.am.so.sick.

I made it to Church but I was sick this morning, sick during the service, and am still feeling like poo. I can't find my purse which, incidently, has my phone in it. Our home phone doesn't work (people call in and leave messages but it's frustrating because I can't pick up and talk to them), so I'm cut off from the world.

All I want to do is sleep.... I''m going back to bed.

View Article  Germies
I guess it's that damn tree pollen thats blowing around. I went to bed at 7:30 last night because I feel so crappy, and I've been up with Ian for about an hour. He can't stop coughing, poor kid.
View Article  Dream Goal

I have a goal I want to reach by the time November rolls around: I want to be working from home again. I was thinking about Ian's new school placement come August and the cost of after-school care, plus child care for an infant, and that just doesn't seem to warrant the paycheck I make! I'd basically be working for childcare.

I have one person whom I'm going to be doing some contract marketing for in a few months. I've shown her some of my past advertisements and she really liked them, so she's going to hire me when she's ready to launch her practice. But, that certainly isn't going to be enough to carry me through a lifetime, so I'm going to have to find a way to market myself starting now and see if there's any hope of me making a go at that. The problem is that I'm no good at marketing myself; just other things.

I don't even know where to begin, especially since I have no education on the subject; I'm completely self-taught!

View Article  New Life

I can finally announce it after today's appointment:

 

Photobucket

Photobucket

I'll start out at the beginning, some of you haven't known what was going on from the start:
 
I got my positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago when I started to spot. I called the OB and told them I was probably having a chemical pregnancy and asked if they wanted me to come in for blood work, if they wanted to refer me to an RE at this point, or if they didn't even consider a CP a "traditional" loss. The nurse had me come in for blood work and the results were an HCG count of 7. She confirmed my thought it was a chemical pregnancy and told me to come in on Monday for a repeat draw to be sure the numbers came down on their own.
 
I spent all weekend with those usual I-can't-believe-this-is-happening-a-forth-time and went for my draw on that Monday. Low and behold, the numbers went to 100! To be considered "good" they would have had to have been around 52 (they're supposed to double in 48 hours), so she was shocked! She scheduled me for more blood work to be sure the numbers were going the right way and to make sure that this wasn't another ectopic pregnancy. When I went in a week later the numbers were 2,800 so they scheduled me for a sonogram. They wanted to see me that same week but I delayed it a few days because 1) new insurance through work that's better than what I have, and 2) I wanted a few extra days in case I was a bit behind in measurement.
 
I went today at 9am, alone. I was fine until the tech called my name; then I started to shake and thought about running out the door. I made it to the room, and started babbling. The tech asked my the date of my last period and I tried to tell her I knew very well when I ovulated and when I implanted, but she didn't want that specific, LOL! She began to get nervous as I rambled on about my past. She said, "Now I'm getting nervous. I don't like being the bearer of bad news!" Um, thanks? 
 
Right away we saw the sac and I was thrilled. I actually told her, "At least it's in the right place this time. If it isn't viable I won't need the Methotrexate again!" She said, "Nope. Everything looks great! And, see? There's the heartbeat." I started to cry when I saw it, and when she turned the volume up so I could hear the whoosh-whoosh of that amazing little heart beating away I started to sob. I saw my baby, my child, alive and growing health within my body; the very body that wasn't able to sustain life three times before this.
 
I met with my favorite OB after that. He came in to the exam room, shook my hand and said, "Do you know what? I've never, in all my years, seen someone with an HCG of 7 come back with a heartbeat. I am thrilled and amazed. Just thrilled!" He then asked if I had sex, rolled out of bed, and then come to their office for a blood draw, LOL! He then said he was wondering about the size because I was dating only 6W4D, but when I explained that I ovulated on the 17th day of my cycle he said that Bug is measuring right on schedule.
 
I have another sonogram in two weeks so I can see and hear the heartbeat again. He said, "I won't be able to wait until 12 weeks. I want to see it again! And, I'm going to remain optimistic from now until then," so I'm in again on March 27th.
 
I feel better seeing the heartbeat. I'm not out of the woods yet, but my chance of miscarriage drops to about 2%-5% right now. I want to enjoy it so I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm pregnant now and, if it doesn't work out it's because it wasn't meant to be. But, I know it will work out!!!!