My mom is scheduled for surgery next week. Her cancer rates as a 2A-2B which is exactly as she was rated 30 years ago. The oncologist was in full agreement about a full mastectomy with chemotherapy afterward, but the downside is that, due to her past pulmonary embolism, she may not be a candidate for some of the 'better' chemo drugs. She's going to get a full work-up to see if the medication she's on caused the embolism or not, and then from there they'll weigh the benefits and the risks associated with the chemotherapy.

Now I'm scared.

I guess I didn't really believe it before, but now it's real. It is the real deal. This is reality. It's my reality, it's her reality, it's my family's reality. This is the real stuff life is made up of, not that petty bullshit that seems to creep it's way back into my mind. Fuck the rest of it, the stupid stuff that seems to occupy so much of people's time! My family (and my friends that are like family, of course) is all that matters. The rest will still be there no matter how long I'm gone because shallow pretenses will always exist. Why bother with it now?

Human behavior is so predictable, it's funny. It's easy to read between the lines, so to speak, when people are talking. Just reading body language itself says a whole lot more than people think it does.

The best are the ones who speak loud and clear, but their words are such bullshit. Be it knowledge of who they are, who they once were, or where they think they're going, they aren't fooling anyone. If only they realized how ridiculous they sound as they repeat the same song over and over, as if in an effort to convince themselves that what they are saying is the Truth.

I just smile to myself.... and wait.