I spent about an hour today cleaning out my e-mail. I have things that I've saved since 2006, and a grand total of 130 emails that I have stored under different labels. This is not to mention the countless unread e-mails in my inbox.

It was interesting going through these things that represented so many different parts of my life. I found things written from people that I haven't seen for over 2 years. I read things that brought back memories from years ago, times that were fun but also turbulent. I got to look back at the person I was, the person I was trying to be, and I got to be reminded of the struggles I went through almost every day.

While I enjoyed the trip down memory lane, I decided that it was time to permanently shut the door on that part of my life. Though I am proud of the person I have become and I equally humbled by the trip I had to take to get here, it's time for me to move forward from that time. I've lost touch with a great many people who impacted my life, have had relationships that defined me and that I counted on with my whole heart disappear and leave me, for lack of a better word, stranded. However; through all of this I have been lucky enough to find new people to help light my way, found new relationships to lean on, and have even had a few people from a few lifetimes ago resurface and prove that sometimes life does come full circle.

So, I decided to let go. I will embrace the person I have become and will remember the important parts of the journey getting here, but for now I have to move forward without being held by the past. While the past has it's place in everyone's life, I don't think I need a written reminder. My memories, and my present, are enough.

This morning has sucked. I don't know if it's because it began at 1:30am and hasn't stopped yet, or if it's because it's the start of a new week and thus the start of some personal goals I have set for myself that I'm feeling a bit anxious about. Regardless of the reason it SUCKS!

I don't know what's wrong with my daughter, other than the fact she seems to have forgotten how to sleep. She'd better get to remembering soon. I actually have a headache from being so tired!

I have also discovered the downside to my new CuisenArt coffee pot: it isn't idiot-proof. Apparently, even if you forget to put the filter in, the coffee maker still runs. It's interesting to watch a pool of brown water mixed with coffee grinds slowly creep from the kitchen to the dining room as you hold a screaming newborn.

At least the house is filled with the scent of fresh ground coffee, right?

This week has been really tough. The first week home was good- Roo seemed to sleep in nice long stretches so I woke up feeling great... And then something changed. She sleeps for hours during the day, but at night she's up and wants to be held. I remember this from Ian, and I can say that I'm thankful that this little one doesn't scream constantly while awake!

I find myself up the most from 1am to 3am. We watch TV, sit and read a book, or I just stare at her as she makes those cute little faces and squeaking noises. I can't help but marvel at the fact that this little person was inside of me not 2 weeks ago! Her little nose is so kissable that I'm surprised she has any skin left on it from me giving her Eskimo kisses and such, and her hands are just amazing! They are so long and slender that I'm pretty sure I'm looking at a quarterback, or piano player

Unfortunately, I feel very cut off from the world. I try to sleep from the moment I drop Ian off at 8am until I pick him up again at 1:30pm (which I find doesn't work very well because the doorbell keeps ringing from solicitors!). After I pick him up I spend a minimum of an hour doing something with just him, and then I try to clean the house up and/or cook dinner. By the time Sean comes home I'm almost delirious from lack of sleep and fall in to bed as soon as I can. Doesn't leave me much time for socializing! Not to mention the fact that I'm even more exhausted because the past few days we've had A/C repair people coming in and out all day long so I haven't been able to sleep. The worst of it will be tomorrow because I have to be out of the house ALL DAY while they install the new unit. I think I may go to the movies, but I'm not sure yet.

Hopefully next week will bring better things. I'd like to at least talk to my friends some time soon!