I often wonder why I try to change Ian. I don't mean change him in the sense that I try to change his personality or anything as drastic as that, but I do notice that I project my desires, feelings, and beliefs on to him and his situations. I don't mean to, but I think that by being a parent we feel so strongly about our children's happiness that we can't help but internalize everything and, in turn, feel everything in a magnified state.

For instance: I was so upset yesterday because Ian's teacher is being moved to another class. I was mad because this will be his third teacher in a year, I don't understand why they're moving her in the first place, and they haven't even spoken to the parent's about it yet; they've just emptied her classroom! I adore his original teacher because she's the one who set us on the road to getting Ian set up with evaluations, hearing tests, and other developmental processes, plus I know that she loves Ian even with all of his temperamental and behavioral issues. I am not fond of this new teacher at all. I don't like the way that she interacts with the children and I don't like the way she speaks to them. She isn't mean, but he doesn't have the "warm and fuzzies" that I'd like her to have. I tend to overhear things that don't sit well with me, so yesterday I spent most of my time researching other schools and academies so that I can move him soon.

I realized that my interpretation of Ian's feelings were probably in light of my personal views of this teacher, not Ian's reality of the situation. When I picked him up from school I decided to talk with him about what was going on so that I could get a clear view (er, however clear a four-year-old's view can be anyway) of his days with this new teacher. I explained about him not having Ms. B as his teacher anymore and, when he was done crying, we discussed his new teacher, Ms. H. I told Ian that he could stay at his school with this new teacher, could go to a fun new school that he could help me pick out, stay home with me until we found a new school... I asked him if he liked Ms. H., asked what they did together, if he enjoyed the school still... Much to my surprise, I found that he really enjoys where he is and he does like this teacher. I asked him the same questions in a lot of different ways so I know that he means what he says, so I'm relieved for now! I plan to keep asking him just to be sure, and I do plan to visit a few places so I have some options, but for now I feel secure that he is happy where he is.

So, I learned that I can't view Ian's feelings as a parallel of my own. I can have my own reaction to situations, but I need to check in on him before I make any final decisions about his true emotions! I know that I react strongly to my gut feelings because I want to protect him, but I have to be sure that I'm not protecting him as a means of protecting myself.