I am so looking forward to tomorrow! I'm going with one of my best friends to see Twilight re-released on the big screen, and then we're staying until the release of New Moon at 12:05am. I've been looking forward to this for weeks now!!!

I've made some decisions regarding the "extras" in my life, and I'm very happy with what I've decided to to. Among the choices I've made is to not visit my Facebook account any more, and I'm not letting people get away with being my "friend" online. I'm sick to death of people thinking they have some sort of relationship with me because they read daily status updates! That isn't a friendship, and I'm tired of people believing they can be a part of  my life via computer. Sure it's fine for family members and people who live thousands of miles away because there ARE miles between us, but the rest of it is garbage.

I'm not interested in having "fillers" in my life. It's a waste of time and energy, and I want to be able to devote real time to real people who care about me and my family. If people can't take the time to pick up the phone or to find a few hours a month to see me, than f*ck them. I deserve better than that!

My supervisor said something interesting today. "You look different."

To a lot of people that may seem like a normal thing, nothing to get too excited about, and at first I felt the same way. I said, "My hair is longer?" Nope. "I've lost 15 pounds?" No, that wasn't it. "I'm exhausted?" That didn't spark anything either.

Finally she said, "You seem calmer, more in control. You're more easy going. More... centered!"

Wow. I can't believe that I actually look the way I feel! It was a huge compliment to me; a much bigger one than if she had commented on my weight or my hair! To have my #1 priority (about myself) recognized by someone else who doesn't even know that well is just thrilling to me.

Could this mean that I've that much closer to "getting it"? Should I be so bold in thinking that I may very well have a firm grasp on "it"? Can I actually start feeling like I have something extra to offer people, that I might be in tune to something that isn't just 'me'? Could I maybe, just maybe, be starting to live like I think? Is it possible?!

Yesterday was an amazing day. I spent the morning with the kids and Sean, and then at 12pm it was MY day. Sean handed me $20 and told me to "go have a cup of coffee on me!" So, I went to Borders for the afternoon while he took the kids to a birthday party. (Why didn't I go? It was for the kids of the girl I would rather pretend is not on the planet with me so he offered to take them himself. I could have been a "bigger person" and gone, but the fact of the matter is that I've decided it's okay to do what's right for me vs. what etiquette tells me to do! I'm done with trying to be polite and take shit from people when I don't deserve it.)

Anyway, I went to the book store and wandered through the spirituality and religion sections to see what they had. I was annoyed at first because they have Science of the Mind and things like Eckhart Tolle in the Metaphysics section (?) and their sections on non-Western religion was pretty sparce, but I managed to come away with a collection I've wanted for a while, and another book that I've seen over 5 times now so I bought it for no other reason then I figured there was a reason I've seen it so much!

From there I picked up a Pure Inspiration Magazine, a peppermint mocha coffee, and spent the next 2 hours reading through that, making notes, and thinking. I found a lot of great quotes, had some ideas, and felt completely refreshed and inspired again.

From there I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond where I picked up some Christmas presents for Ian's teacher and for Sean, plus got the replacement steamer to replace the one that I melted on Friday night. Then I called my Mom and we went for a lazy lunch at Ballyhoo Grill.  I had a yummy Oyster Po'Boy and a few beers, and then we went to Tuesday Morning where I completed my Christmas shopping for the kids.

I came home around 5:30pm, hung out with the kids while Sean picked up Sushi, then it was time for us to eat and watch a movie.

It was a great day! Other than Ian's strange 102 fever at midnight, it was probably one of the best days I've had in a long time... for my spiritual self anyway ;-)

I couldn't have asked for a better day. The party was a huge success! There were over 30 adult people there, and with the amount of kids we had (about 15 kids and 3 babies) I was expecting some "issues," but it was perfect! Everyone mixed well, there was a lot of laughter, and a LOT of food. The kids were all running around together and playing so nicely... My heart was so full of happiness that I almost cried a few times.

The day was a turning point in a lot of ways for me. I feel so centered, and I have a firm grasp on my own happiness. I realized I was giving way too much power to external elements and allowing them to dictate my inner self. The outpouring of love for me and my family was so amazing that I feel truly whole again.

Ian had a fantastic time just as he does every year and Roo, although not 100%, was loved on so much that she obviously had a great time too. They are both very lucky children, just as we are very lucky parents.

I had lunch with one of my best friends yesterday. I got some much needed laughs, was able to vent, and was able to get out of 'myself' long enough to feel refreshed and happy again.

Then, I went to a work meeting and all that changed. The negativity, the toxic environment, the nasty things said about other people... I felt completely guilty, deflated, and sickened by the time I left.

I've manged to turn myself back around today though. We spent a nice morning with the kids, and Sean brought home a Firetruck for Ian's 6th birthday last night. He was SO excited when he drove in with the lights on and everything- it was adorable! Today he took Ian for a ride over to my brother's house, and all the kids played on it for a while. Now we're home, Roo is napping, and then we're going to hit the store for the birthday part food. It's going to be a great day, and I'm looking forward to friends, food, and laughter tomorrow at the park!