Yes, I admit that I have an addiction to Christmas. I'm already done with my Christmas shopping (don't hate me) and I spend my time listening to things like Choral Christmas by Cusco .

I love everything about Christmas and last year was the first year I 'felt' Christmas here. It's tough when you grew up with snowstorms and sledding around the holidays, and now there's palm trees and short-sleeved shirts! I've had to do a lot of creative things to help my poor New-England-at-heart self feel Christmas Spirit vs. Christmas Depression, including buying a faux fireplace, pine smelling air freshener and candles, dimming the lights and lighting tons of candles so I can get the illusion of a dark winter's night...

Why am I writing about this? I have no idea, other than then fact I'm listening to Christmas Treasures by the London Symphony Orchestra and want the holidays to get here! Well, that and I'm procrastinating because I don't feel like writing my notes for work today...

My son is amazing. He has the knack of knowing when I need affection, and last night was no exception. I've been feeling so sick and worried the past two days that I took a Tylenol PM at around 8:30pm and crawled in to bed. Ian climbed in with me, curled up against me, and proceeded to fall asleep. He stayed in our bed last night and it was such a comfort to wake up periodically and find him there.

I had some interesting dreams too, all centered around going back to New England and buying a house there. It felt like I was returning "home" and I kept finding people who I grew up with... Taken at face value you'd think that I want to get the heck out of Dodge and head back to where I spent the first twenty years of my life, but I thought about it this morning I think that it's more in response to a conversation I had with someone yesterday. I made the comment, "How do we get it back? We had so much fun then, but how do we get back to that time? You know, the time "before"?...." That very thought has been circling around in my head for a while now, but verbalizing it sort of gave it a life of it's own. Like it says in The Secret, once you say something and put it out for the Universe to react, it creates a whole new set of experiences.

No matter how crappy I feel, being up to watch the sunrise in the morning makes me feel better. I don't know why that is; I almost feel like I'm watching my life unfold before me and I have the chance to make the day whatever I want it to be.

I am debating on going in to work or not. If I didn't have Court today I wouldn't bother, but my co-worker has covered for me a few times and I don't want to ask her to go to Court again for me. Plus, it's one of my favorite clients who's going today and I'd hate to miss it. I feel really sick though. I had a stomach ache for hours yesterday and finally broke down and took some Tums. I was able to fall asleep around 11pm, but I didn't have the most restful sleep. I still feel the ache, but at least I can breathe now. I have no idea how I'll be feeling once I start moving around... Guess that will be the true test!

This weekend has been great! I'm almost done with my real estate studying (two chapters to go!), and yesterday Sean lay the flooring in Ian's room so that's all done. I was able to read a book cover-to-cover, then I took Ian to the pool for a few hours. My mom came too so I got to catch up with her, and then I went to the store for some nice fresh veggies, fruit, and some veggie sushi. Ian fell asleep around 6:30pm, so Sean and I had a nice evening together.

Friday night was good too. I wanted to go to Sweet Tomatos but Ian really didn't want to, so my parents said they'd watch him. Sean and I got to eat out alone, and we had  a really great time! We were able to finish sentences without, "Mommy, can we go now?" and, "Daddy, what's that?" thrown in, and we had a few laughs about our past relationships. The nicest conversation we had was when we were discussing a couple we know that has children, yet the mom seems to never be home. It's up to Dad to do the parenting and Mom seems to enjoying being gone and working all the time, and even on weekends they don't seem to spend time together as a family! I made the comment, "I just don't understand that. Spending time with you and Ian are the best times of my life," and Sean said, "I know it. It's like that's the center and the rest just happens around it."

This week should be OK with work. I have Court 2 days this week which should be alright (although I'm not looking forward to the hearing tomorrow due to the Division I have to be in), but the rest of my week is looking laid-back. I have some paperwork that needs to get done, but other than that I'm pretty caught up.

I have dinner plans for Thursday night that I'm excited for. My friend Kim and I are trying to plan a little get-away for a night or two so we can both regain our sanity, LOL!  I think I'll bring our time-share books so we can pick a place and figure out costs. I just wish I could drink!!!!

There is only one crimp in my 'perfection' right now, and I'm trying to figure it all out in my mind. Thanks to my earlier pledge to back off of things and not give 100% of myself my heart isn't as involved as it could be, but I'm still a bit hurt by it all. To keep it vague I'll just say that I was pretty much shown that my support and friendship is not needed anymore. I had suspected it anyway, but things had appeared to change so I took a chance only to be, for lack of a better term, ignored. *shrug* I guess it's better to know for certain now rather than having to wonder and be hurt all the time when I heard that I was being passed over... again. People change and friendships change; I just need to keep reminding myself that people enter our lives for a reason, just as they step out again for another.

Happy Weekend, all!

I'm halfway done with my real estate! I had forgotten just how much I hate it, though. I really should have followed the instructor's advice and done the stupid thing right after getting my license since the information, of the most part, is the SAME!

Bug is moving and shaking like no body's business. Yesterday in Court she was kicking so hard that my name tag (which I ware on a lariat) was bouncing of my stomach. The attorney's were getting a kick out of that! It's amazing to think that something (er, someone) who's only about 9 inches long can create such havoc, LOL. Of course, then I start thinking things like, Oh my God there is an actual human being inside of me!!!! and start getting weirded out.

I love being pregnant. I love everything about it. I love the tiredness, the weight gain, the inability to breath... and I love knowing that Sean and I created a miracle. Every day my daughter gets closer to being here with us and, every day, I celebrate the fact that she's healthy and that she's thriving. I can't explain how blessed I feel!

I sometimes wonder if my two losses make this a more awe-inspiring experience or if I'd be this blissfully happy anyway. I can't help but think I'd be complaining about the daily Lovonex shots, weekly progesterone, the possibility of a C-section, the aches and pains, and the fact that I've seen a number on the scale I swore I'd never see if I hadn't been through what I have. Honestly, I haven't complained one day since getting that positive pregnancy test!