This year we are doing something different for Ian's 8th birthday party.  Every year we've rented a pavilion at the park and had a huge BBQ, crafts, a bounce house, games, gift bags for the kids... and we are NOT doing it this year. I've had enough planning, getting nervous, being upset that people don't show up, listening to Ian's broken heart year after year. So, we're going to have a low-key party here at the house with family and one friend of his whom he has known for 6 years.

Okay, truth be told I'd probably do the park again, except for the fact that with all the evaluations, new medication that he's going to start, and getting hearing aids, I think that's enough excitement for him to process. We don't know how he's going to respond to any of the above, so I'd rather not push him. Plus, as long as he's fine with having a party with family only, then so be it!

This summer has been amazing.  So much has happened, the best of which is the amount of time I've been able to spend with the kids and the things we've done! (If you're curious, I have another blog Adventures of Home Life with pictures and such).

Even though money has been a huge struggle and there have been some major stressors involved with my leaving the full-time job I had to work part-time from home, I honestly feel like this was the best thing I have ever done.  Being here for my kids has been such an amazing experience, and I actually feel like I'm active in raising them versus feeling guilty for paying someone else to be around more than I was.  Don't get me wrong; I fully support working moms and think they are amazing (I was one up until a year ago, don't forget), and when Ian was in daycare I wouldn't have had it any other way.  He loved it, and I needed to work, so the fit was right for us at that time.  I felt guilt, sure, but I know without a doubt that the environment he was in was the best for him.  But, things have changed, and my need to be home for both of my kids for different reasons has evolved with my desire to be home with them, so living with the 'stress' of wondering if we are going to make our next electrical payment is a small price to pay

Things will change when Reilly goes to preschool too, and that's the beauty of my job; I can work however much I want, so there's no need to feel 'stuck' making what I make.  Sure the pay rate itself stinks, but what I get in return is payment enough!

When I moved here 10 years ago, I did it to escape.  I was very self destructive when I lived up north; if I had been better educated about depression I would have been medicated, but not knowing, I did what a lot of people did and turned to substances as a means to "self medicate."    Moving to the south was a chance for me to start over, a chance to start a new life for myself and create it the way I wanted.  (Granted, I was a fool for bringing some of that self destructive with me, but that's another story).

My father moved down here not long after I did.  We had a family company down here, and he needed to come down and streamline some things.  Once here, he never left.  My mom lived up north for another year, then she came down as well.  Only a few years later was when my brother and sister-in-law decided to move down with their family, and it was so amazing to be in a place I loved with all the people I loved!

Now with my brother leaving, I feel like half of my heart is being ripped away from me.  I can't even put into words how much it hurts to know that they're going to be 1300 miles away and that seeing each other is going to be a major event rather than a split-second decision...  The kids are going to change so much, and their lives are going to be constantly changing, and I'll be just "that aunt" from Florida.

Two more days and then they will be gone...  

I am getting so frustrated with the whole "school issue."  Everyone seems to have an opinion, but no on really has a say in what should be done, if you get what I mean.  I know it's ultimately my decision, but Sean has say too, and I know what he wants to do.  My mother very clearly has an opinion, but the thing is, this is a huge deal for me.  This is his education, and I don't want to make any mistakes.  He's had such a rough start, the last thing I want to do is mess everything up.

He didn't test in to AGP (kinda pisses me off that no one has bothered to say anything to us!), so we're back to where he's going be sitting off to the side doing 'different' work than the other kids because he's grasped the concepts earlier than the others.  It hasn't bothered him yet, but it will.  I know it will.

We were told by his teacher that she's moving to second grade next year and is taking the whole class with her, if the students want to go.  I'd love that, which is another reason why I don't want to move him to a new school... if we move him and we end up not liking the school and move him back, who's to say we'd get a great teacher for him then?

Sonofabitch!

I have a meeting with the principal this afternoon, so we'll see where our heads are at after that.

My brain is in overdrive lately.  We have an "opportunity," and I just don't know what to do.

My brother and his family are leaving the state and moving back up north.  He has a 2-story home with a pool in a community that I want to live in very badly.  My parents would be a few houses away, and the size of the house would give us about double of what we have now.  There are some downsides, such as it needs work (um, but so does mine so that really doesn't count), the neighbors on one side leave a bit to be desired, there is an HOA that can be a pain in the butt, and it would cost a lot more money to heat/cool and take care of the pool.

In a perfect world we could swap houses, because my parents paid off the mortgages for both and "own" them both.  We could sell the one we live in now, pay off what we owe my parents (with maybe a little left over depending on how much we could get for this one), and then take over the other house.  HOWEVER, my brother did something pretty stupid, and he needs to own the house and get income for about 2 years.  Not a big deal, except then he wants to literally sell the house after that.  If we moved in once they leave we could do it for a pretty low cost (my parents are willing to forgive payment until he "fixes" what he did), but then what?  If we didn't have the money he wants for the house, we would have nothing.  No house to go back to, no money to put down on something else... There is no option of "renting to own" since my brother is all about profit, so we'd be paying real rent, not a lease-to-own.

If only I had a crystal ball.  I'd love to have the house because it is almost exactly what I want, but I'd hate to be screwed in the end.