My desktop computer just crashed. I can't get it to work now, and I'm frantic! I have all my pictures and all my school work on there!!! I'm an IDIOT because I haven't backed up anything for about 4 months, so that means all that stuff is going to be GONE!

My final, my pictures... Oh man, I can't believe it!

I'm 2 days further behind than I wanted to be, and tomorrow I'm gone all night for the Eclipse premiere.

SUX!

I drafted a letter last night that I plan to send to Ian's teacher, the Principal, and the President of the PTA. I know it will probably go unnoticed, but I am hoping that it might give them something to think about in the future.

"When my kindergarten-aged son was not chosen for a Citizenship Award I was not only saddened but also confused.  This is the same child who was recognized at the beginning of the year for his ability to comfort other children, who took time to help his classmates when they didn't understand something, and who stood up to other children when he felt they were being unfair or mistreating others.  He went almost 5 months with very few incidents of behavior issues, and it wasn't until February that there were any problems which, as we all know, stemmed from a specific situation. Since that time he has tried very hard to produce the behaviors necessary for success in the classroom, and there has been steady improvement which is evidenced by the behavior chart he brings home every day. He was also very, very proud of the volunteer work he did during Campus Beautification Day.    

 

He was devastated that he didn't "earn" an invitation to the Citizenship Award event, and unfortunately I didn't have a reason to give him as to why he wasn't included.  I tried explaining to him that he doesn't need an award or a medal to prove he's a success, but to his 6-year-old mind he couldn't get past the fact that he was one of only a few children excluded.  To add to this, he was very aware that other children who also had chronic behavior issues were given Citizenship Awards.

 

I can only imagine what he was thinking when he realized he wasn't going to be included in this event.  He was so proud of the improvement he made toward the end of this year, and he was especially conscious of how people viewed him at the beginning of this year.   To have his past success and his recent improvement and accomplishments unrecognized is incredibly hurtful, and I am disappointed that the administration would fail to encourage him and any other child who has worked hard or shown improvement by excluding them from an event that they are very much aware of.     

 

I am in no way writing this letter in hopes that my son receives an award this year, nor am I writing it to diminish the accomplishments of the other children who work so hard year-round.  My only wish is to communicate "the other side of the story" from parents who have children who are attempting to overcome adverse situations or that may be struggling due to the adjustment of being in a school setting.  I honestly feel that at 6 years old the meaning behind being a "good citizen" should be encompassing more than what it appears to be. " 

The pen being mightier than the sword, I thought I'd go this route rather than go into his classroom on Monday.

Ian's last day of school is Thursday.

When he started Kindergarten, we had a "group meeting" with his teacher (with all the other parents at the beginning of the school year). At that meeting we were told about the Citizenship Awards at the end of the year when the kids get medals. We were told that, basically, if a child does his homework weekly and doesn't have any major issues, they'll be getting one (meaning that 99.9% of the Kindergartners get them, I'm thinking).

When we had our first parent-teacher conference we were told how wonderful Ian was, how smart and caring he was, how she wished every kid could be like him, how he took the "less popular" kids under his wing and made sure they were treated well, blah blah blah. Well. We all know how the second conference went, right? The one after all the stuff with the After School Program happened? Throughout it all we kept the teacher informed about all the crap going on, our suspicions, what we've been doing to fix his behavior, our expectations, etc, and she even had discussions with us about another little boy in the class who went to the same program and how "scary" his behavior had gotten... Anyway, Ian got one check on his report card last grading period because of his behavior, but that's it. We went to the principal's office after that to discuss our suspicions about why he was acting the way he was, told her we wanted help, on and on. We were even told about this other little's boy's behavior and how horrible it was too, so they were aware of the after school program and it's affects... After that meeting we saw a MAJOR improvement in Ian's behavior. Maybe 1 or 2 reds with a yellow thrown in here and there. The rest were green. He's been working SO HARD at behaving...

Today I find out he isn't getting an award. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! Seriously? Not only that, but the teacher handed out the "golden piece of paper" to each child who was getting an award in front of all the other kids (um, meaning mine) who didn't get "picked". AND, on top of THAT, the other little boy is getting one, but Ian isn't. Seriously? Now, I'm not saying that this other little boy doesn't deserve it, and I'm definitely not saying that kids shouldn't learn that behavior has consequences, but really? At 6 you're going to do this to them? After his working so hard to improve? What the hell does that teach them? They can't even go to the ceremony, so that means that Ian will be sitting in the classroom while the rest of them go and get snow-cones and awards? Really?

I am just sick over it. Part of me wants to keep him home on Tuesday and take the day off of work, but another part of me understands the important lesson behind all of this...

Thoughts?

I had the strangest dream last night. I was in the middle of a ransacked area with acidic fluid raining down from bombs. I was able to get to a closet with the kids, and I had a raincoat on. I was hunched over them with the door closed, and I kept trying to keep the collar of the coat up over my neck so that the acid couldn't burn through my skin. The areas it touched were eating away at my flesh and left just the bare bone exposed, but I was able to keep them safe.

When I felt that there was enough time to get out of where I was I began to run. I kept thinking, "Where are we going to go? Where would the rest of the survivors go?" I suddenly realized that I would, of course, go to a Church! As I ran I couldn't help but think how strange it was that I would be going to a Church. Stranger still was the realization that, even those people who denounce God and say they don't believe, all seem to end up in a Church when there's a crisis.  Be it a horror movie plot, real-life war zones, times when people feel they've lost their way.... All souls seem to end up in some sort of religious setting.

The short version of this is that, in my dream, I ended up in a black fenced Churchyard with all of the other survivors and began planning our rebuilding of our lives. On the other side of this; I wonder where this dream came from. I understand the whole "shedding of the skin" part in light of the upcoming life-changes, but the other part is a kind of mystery to me.

On a side note, I find it interesting that tonight I mentioned how nervous I am about changing my whole life around and how terrified I am that I'm going to fail the family somehow. Sean just looked at me and started laughing. When I asked him what the hell that was all about, he said that he is just waiting until next year, because he's sure that I'll be "shedding this upcoming skin" some time soon. Apparently he views me as a snake; always changing and growing. Compliment, or insult?