Yesterday served as a reminder for why I'm working so hard to be home with my kids and to do everything I can to make that goal a reality as soon as possible.

After a day of court hearings I was really looking forward to picking Ian up from school, hanging out together to do his homework before his concert, and then having some nice family time together.

Well. It started out with him saying, "I got a yellow today" when I picked him up from school. I opened his folder to find a note from his teacher that basically said that his behavior has declined the past 2 weeks and that she is very concerned. We have a conference scheduled with her to discuss everything, and she wanted to know if there was a change in his medication that could be causing the explosive episodes.

By the time we got home he had completely fallen apart. He reminded me of the days when he was 3 and had such a hard time with anger, something I thought was a distant memory for us all. He sat in his room screaming, throwing things, and saying such violent, angry things that he actually scared me. The worst was when he told me "I want to poke your eye out and hurt you!" and then he put his hand on my face. There was a lot of screaming (the kind of screaming when a person is so mad there aren't words to express it anymore), trying to slam the door on me...

I managed to stay firm while I was in his room, but when he finally calmed down enough for me to safely leave I stood in the laundry room and cried.

I just don't know what to do. I am very aware that he feels totally out of control about something, but I'm not sure if it's an event that caused this, or if he's feeling completely overwhelmed about everything in general, or if he's just being a terror because he really does have some sort of ADHD issue. I tried to get him to talk while we were working on his homework later, but kids are so cryptic that it's hard to find the truth they're eluding to. There were some things that were said that have me worried, but I don't know if it's because of what was actually said or what I'm reading into what I heard.