Inner Ramblings

Labor Day

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:44:34 -0400

Had a busy weekend!

Friday night we drove to St. Petersburg to Quaker Steak and Lube so I could have fried pickels and Ian could play the games there.

Saturday Sean had to work on the rental house so I took Ian to Busch Gardens with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my 4 nieces and nephews. We experienced Jungala for the first time and it was awesome! The kids played in the water area and then spent an hour climbing around, so they were exhausted by the time we left. After that I had a mystery shopping assignment at Hooters so Ian went to my parent's house and Sean and I went out to dinner alone. When we got back home I got stuff ready for the yard sale, and then on Sunday we were up at 5am to set up.

The yardsale was a bust; only 2 people showed up! I was sick and in pain that day (did too much so had contractions Saturday night and just generally felt like garbage on Sunday), so I spent the rest of the day in bed.

Today I got up early to do some studying, then we hit Adventure Island for 3 hours. We came home, showered, and then went to a friend's house for a bar-b-que which was fun and relaxed. The kids even got along pretty well until the end, which was amazing because two of them are 'best friends' and Ian was the 'new kid', and the three of them are only children. There were a few moments of "we're playing a two person only game!" and some other things that we had to step in on, but the majority of the time they played nicely. We left when Ian broke down from exhaustion, and now we're home and getting ready for bed... Ian passed out at 7:30pm so I think he's done, LOL!

Work tomorrow and it's going to SUCK! I have a hearing I've been dreading for weeks and, even though I did over and above the amount of work I needed to in order to get some things straight before tomorrow, it didn't work out the way I was supposed to. *sigh* Does it ever?

Christmas in July

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:22:19 -0400

Yes, I admit that I have an addiction to Christmas. I'm already done with my Christmas shopping (don't hate me) and I spend my time listening to things like Choral Christmas by Cusco .

I love everything about Christmas and last year was the first year I 'felt' Christmas here. It's tough when you grew up with snowstorms and sledding around the holidays, and now there's palm trees and short-sleeved shirts! I've had to do a lot of creative things to help my poor New-England-at-heart self feel Christmas Spirit vs. Christmas Depression, including buying a faux fireplace, pine smelling air freshener and candles, dimming the lights and lighting tons of candles so I can get the illusion of a dark winter's night...

Why am I writing about this? I have no idea, other than then fact I'm listening to Christmas Treasures by the London Symphony Orchestra and want the holidays to get here! Well, that and I'm procrastinating because I don't feel like writing my notes for work today...

My Day

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:48:09 -0400

This weekend was fantastic!

Friday I worked from home so that I could take care of my sickly little man. It was a bit harder than I thought since I had to make phone calls and Ian wasn't in the mood to be left out of anything, but I managed to work my full eight hours. Friday night I went to the gym, picked up dinner, and then Sean and I settled in to watch our Friday Night Line Up.

Saturday morning Sean left early, so Ian and I met up with my parents at the Bagel shop for breakfast. We stayed there for over an hour, and then we came home to wash my car. Ian 'helped' scrub the tires and then I washed the outside and inside. I removed about two pounds of Doritos crumbs (we don't eat Doritos's so I'm stumped), fourteen wrappers of different types, three sweatshirts, two trees worth of papers, and a very sad looking piece of fruit that I can only conclude used to be an apple. I also learned two very important lessons during this experience: 1) Ball point pen does not come out of leather, and 2) always watch your child if they have custody of the hose because chances are they will end up pouring water over their head even though they know they aren't supposed to be in cold water since they've been sick for a week. Anyway, after that three hour experience we took a shower, and by that time Sean was back home. The boys took a nap while I watched some Lifetime movies, and then we started to get ready for our night out.

It was awesome!!!! We got to the Columbia Restaurant around 7pm for 8pm reservations. Sean's step-brother works there now so we were hoping to get him as a waiter, knowing he'd be able to suggest what's best to eat. The restaurant is a whole city block long so we walked from end to end just to see it, and as we were passing by the banquet hall Sean's step-brother came out! Amazing timing since there are no windows in that section of the building and he had no idea we were going to be there! He was as shocked as we were, and he said he had gotten goosebumps and was suddenly freezing, so he came outside for a minute! He ended up taking us to the 'Cafe' (read: bar) and we sat there talking for an hour.

Once our table was called we were led to the section of the restaurant where the Flamenco Dancers have their show, and we were at a table right next to the stage! We ordered our meal and a pitcher of Sangria (made with Champagne, Rum, and Brandy), sat back, and enjoyed the atmosphere. I tried to have a glass of the Sangria but I felt too guilty; that left Sean the whole pitcher. That was fun!

What a fantastic night. The dancing was amazing, the food phenomenal, the company wonderful. We got home at around 11:30 and went right to bed, happy and content.

Sunday we got up around 7:30am and Ian wished me a "Happy Mommy's Day" first thing. We went out to get breakfast and then we came home so I could get ready for Church. My mom and I went to the service, and then Sean, Ian, and I head over to his mom's house to go out on the boat.

We didn't get far because the river was so low, but we sat on the boat for a while and Ian got to fish. He caught four fish with Sean's help, and then we sat on the deck for about an hour. I read while they blew bubbles, and then it was time to head home for the night.

I feel so happy and rested. What a wonderful way to spend a weekend! Good thing too because Mom has surgery today to put the Port in, and I have Court hearings all this week. It's going to be busy!

Wonderous Weekend

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:54:20 -0400

This has been one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. I've been so tired lately that all I've done is sleep, but this weekend has been action packed!

Friday night I went to a special Good Friday service with my friend. It was a fantastic hour filled with meditation, lessons, scripture, and prayer. I left there feeling as if I could tackle the world, like nothing could stand my way! I feel so rejuvenated and alive when ever I leave Church it's amazing... Anyway, after that we went to Olive Garden for dinner where we talked, laughed, and caught up with each others lives. I can't believe how much I've missed hanging out with her, but yet it also feels how no time at all has passed.

Saturday we (Ian and I) got up early and had breakfast together. From there we went to the Park to stake out some space for the annual Easter Party my mom's group does. It was so much fun! There wasn't a big turn out so the atmosphere was relaxed, and the kids played on the playground, in the sand, and kicked a ball around. We were there for hours and it felt as if no time passed at all before we were packing it up on account of the rain.

After the party we went home and took a nap, and then we went down to Pinellas with Sean to eat at our favorite place, Quaker Steak and Lube. It wasn't quite the same without the beer, but it was still good!

Today Ian got up early and searched for all of the eggs the Easter Bunny left for him. He then went through his basket, and after that he and I sat around and did some Easter crafts together. Then I took him to my MILs house and I went to Easter Service which was, of course, amazing. Ian had a great time at his Mimi's house too- he caught his first fish! On our way home I went to Publix to buy beans for my green bean casserole, but I found out all Publix stores are closed on Easter. So, I had to go to another grocery store which, I swear, had every single person who did not speak English in it, and then we came home. I threw together the casserole, took a shower, and Ian and I headed over to my brother and SILs house for Easter dinner.

What a great night! Sean showed up right as were were getting ready to eat, and so did my Mom and Dad! My Mom looks wonderful; you'd never even know that she had surgery. She moves around well, is in great spirits, is even able to interact with the kids... She is amazing!

Now we're home and winding down for the night. I'm getting everything ready for the week ahead and am going to start working on my last class assignment. I also have to practice voice (I haven't done that in a long time!) for my lesson on Tuesday, and I have a few other things that need doing.

Today was really amazing. I spent a lot of time thinking about Rev. Nikki's words today... When I get a firm grasp on it I'll write about it, but not now.

Girl Time

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 16:28:34 -0500

We are planning a Girls Night Out and I'm so excited! Three of us from "this side of the bridge" are going to be meeting up with two of our friends from "that side of the bridge" and are going to party hard! I've been looking into different places to go and I think we've narrowed it down to three destinations. The hard part will be finalizing, LOL!

I've been doing some serious thinking about this past year and have been putting it all together with what was said in Church yesterday. I have come to some conclusions about different aspects of my life and I feel pretty good about what I've decided and about what I'm planning to do this coming year. I may even go to the Burning Bowl ceremony tonight at Church in order to symbolically start the new year, but I haven't decided yet. In all reality I'm so excited and so determined that I don't know if it's even necessary!

I had plans with friends tonight but I decided that I am not going out. I know it's stupid, but I'm terrified of being on the roads on New Years Eve. If it was just me I'd be OK with it (since they're so close by), but not with Ian. We may go over to my parents when it gets dark because they bought fireworks, but I'm not even sure about that...

Christmas 2007

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 18:42:26 -0500

The past 24 hours have been full of magic, just like I imagined it would be. I am never let down during this wonderful season, even when things don't go quite as planned.

Last night we went over to my parent's house. We cooked h'orderves, ate and drank wine, then walked with the kids to look at the Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Their subdivision was doing luminaria and it was magical! There were people milling all over, houses set up with drinks and snacks for the people wandering around, lots of jokes and laughter... There was even a woman who was home alone and setting up drinks for people and, when the passer-bys noticed this, they went in to her house to help, no questions asked. We took about 45 minutes for that, and then headed back to the house for "Santa's" arrival.

The kids were thrilled and we settled in to an hour of opening presents. This year it was great because my parents didn't go overboard and we all got to enjoy the event and see what everyone received. This year we all got functional gifts (for the most part) and that was perfect! My favorite gifts? A necklace that has great meaning behind it's making, and payment for a course at my Church!

We got home around 10pm and Ian was wound up tighter than a spring! I was hoping that he'd go to bed so that we could set out the gifts and build the one thing that we needed to put together for him, but we ended up in bed at 11:30pm and he was still up.

Sean and I got up at 5ish and started to put the Mach Racer Truck I got for him- which is a good thing because it took until 6:30am! We opened up our presents to each other while we sipped our coffee, and we were both thrilled with what we had chosen. I got some wonderful things, but my two favorites were a Bible that is one of the most beautiful books I've ever received (if you had told me a year ago that I would ever have asked for a Bible I would have laughed at you!), and a THREE CARAT Tennis Bracelet! I almost passed out when I opened it because he had hidden it in the tree and didn't let me know about it until a few minutes after we were done opening the other gifts, and I was not at all prepared. I was upset at first due to our money problems, but as he told me the story behind it I couldn't be mad; He has been saving for this since October of last year! He worked with our jeweler for a few months to choose the design and the stones (which are of perfect quality!), and then was in close contact with the man who made it. He put his whole heart into this gift and I can feel it when I look at it.

Ian got up at 7:30am and opened his gifts until 8am when my FIL came by with about 10 more gifts for him. Ian opened some of those, played with a few of his gifts, and then opened the rest with a little coaxing from us. At about 10am we were ready to head off to my MIL's house where there were even more gifts to open, and then Ian started to lose it. Can't blame him for that! So, I brought him home to nap and so that I could take my medication... but he never wound down, LOL! We went back to my MILs house at 2pm and stayed until 5:30 when Ian showed signs of becoming Lucifer's Son.

Now we are home. The truck is unpacked, the living room looks under control, and there are piles of stuff in the dining room that need to be addressed tomorrow after I go though closets and rooms to purge even more stuff than I did last week. I'm watching A Christmas Story for the sixth time, going through some email, and am getting ready to read a page or two of my Bible.

I got an email toady that made me terribly sad. Well, I don't think "sad" is really the word I want to use, but maybe pensive, or contemplative? It's a confusing situation, one that seems to constantly shift and appears to have a life of it's own. I can't say much about it here, but it is something that I have been living with for a few months now and it seems to occupy a tremendous amount of my time and emotion. It's hurtful sometimes, and at other times seems to be calming and heartwarming. It is probably the most confusing situation I've ever been in, if only because of the deep emotions involved and the amount of power that this has brought to my life. Unfortunately I don't have a clear "answer" for it because it doesn't only affect my life, and it isn't something that really even has a clear-cut answer... ever.

I'm going to spend my Christmas Night just as I always do, sipping tea in front of the tree with candles lighting the room. Much like Christmas Eve, I am going to think about my friends and family, my life, and my direction. I'm going to let my heart be by guide rather than my head, and perhaps I will find answers to at least some of my questions.

Christams Eve

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 06:36:06 -0500

Today is my favorite day of the year. Christmas Eve has always held a special mark of promise, of love, family, and anticipation. It's almost as if all parts of the past year that were "wonderful" return on this day.

I like to get up early and sit here looking at the tree. I think about my family and friends, the people who have shown me the brightest light this past year, those who have hurt me, and those that have faded from my life completely. I think about what I've done, what I could have done differently, and what I want to change this coming year. I think about our World, how I can make a difference, and how I can help others to make a difference as well.

In Church yesterday I did a lot of thinking about things as well. I won't use this blog to go into the readings and religious things discussed, but I will share this: When I get to Church in the morning the first thing I do is write. I don't have anything in mind when I start, but I find that some amazing things flow through me when I do this. There are thoughts and feelings exposed that I didn't even know I had, and it brings me such a feeling of peace to finally recognize them! This is part of what I wrote yesterday: "I watch her walk to every member with a smile and individual word to show we are all loved and remembered. I want to be like that; I want every person I meet and every person I know to truly understand how much I value their presence and the individual greatness they bring to me and to the World. I ask myself what I can change about myself so they can feel it because, being a shy person, it doesn't come easily. I am private when it comes to my emotions and I think I may sometimes rely on the strength of my feelings as a means of expression... I know there are times when people feel slighted by my seemingly lackluster responses to things, or apparent apathetic approach to certain situations, but the truth of the matter is that my heart is screaming even when I appear to be silent."

So on this, the Eve of the day when the birth of a special child added the dimension of love to the Universe, I want to say I Love You to each and every person in my life. Your presence is a special gift and you have all touched my life in countless ways. I thank you for your support, your honesty, and your unyielding support.

I am blessed in the truest sense of the word.

The Joy of Giving

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 08:21:38 -0500

The finished products of my work last night:

This is a necklace for my 6 year old niece. She's into dance and ballet; the charm on the bottom is of a ballet slipper. This is a bracelet for my mom. I just love these colors!

Holiday Cheer

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:59:40 -0500

Last night was the holiday party for Fusion Automotive. In years past we've gone to Ruth's Chris or Charlie's, but this year they hosted a big bar-b-q at the shop. There was more alcohol than I've seen in a l-o-n-g time, and tons of food! They grilled steak (I had a few bites if you can believe that!), baked potatoes, salad, quiche... It was great!

And I laughed. A lot. I laughed so much I actually cried. My sides hurt from laughing so much! I drank a lot too, and I had 3 (!) cigarettes while making aluminum foil animals for the leftovers. I sure know how to have a good time, LOL!

Twilight Zone

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 13:23:09 -0500

Today has been a bizarre day. Nothing has gone as planned, and some pretty unusual things have happened.

Sean didn't get paid.... again. I don't quite know what to do about it anymore, except to sit with him one night and ask if he and his business partner have a plan. Like, when they're going to consider closing? It's been about four years now, and I'm getting a bit tired of scraping by every month... and of borrowing money from my family! It was fine when I had a descent job, but now with unemployment giving me a fit, and with this job I was supposed to have...

Which leads me to strange happenings. Sean told me to call this CPA we know because he finally (after telling me in September that he had a job for me) had something. I called and left him a message... called again... then today told Sean I was going to e-mail him. He told me not to bother because he had heard from him and there was some 'discussion' about time. One partner is holding out for full time and the others want part time... They all love my resume, but they just don't know what they want. I'll go full time at this point, even if I'm not qualified! I love love love being a SAHM, but maybe now just isn't the time for it in my life. It may never be!

Unemployment has screwed up again. I got a letter saying that they couldn't direct deposit my funds since the routing number was wrong- which is odd since they deposited funds the week before! So, now I've been without a check for two weeks.

I got a call this morning (well, last night I got a message but today I actually spoke to them) from someone I haven't spoken to in a long time. She just called to say "thank you" for something that I had no idea I was even doing, and I was so happy to hear from her I almost cried the whole way through the conversation. It proved to me that what I thought was lost may not be at all.

I've learned a lot this year, and the holiday season is teaching me even more. I love this time of year because there's a different energy, a different way that people conduct themselves, and a different way of looking at life. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say that, as a whole, people tend to approach the world differently and I think that we as individuals respond to that. It's a season of making amends, a time of making changes, and a chance to look at where we are and where we want to be. I love this time of year because magic really does happen!