We are planning a Girls Night Out and I'm so excited! Three of us from "this side of the bridge" are going to be meeting up with two of our friends from "that side of the bridge" and are going to party hard! I've been looking into different places to go and I think we've narrowed it down to three destinations. The hard part will be finalizing, LOL!

I've been doing some serious thinking about this past year and have been putting it all together with what was said in Church yesterday. I have come to some conclusions about different aspects of my life and I feel pretty good about what I've decided and about what I'm planning to do this coming year. I may even go to the Burning Bowl ceremony tonight at Church in order to symbolically start the new year, but I haven't decided yet. In all reality I'm so excited and so determined that I don't know if it's even necessary!

I had plans with friends tonight but I decided that I am not going out. I know it's stupid, but I'm terrified of being on the roads on New Years Eve. If it was just me I'd be OK with it (since they're so close by), but not with Ian. We may go over to my parents when it gets dark because they bought fireworks, but I'm not even sure about that...

The past 24 hours have been full of magic, just like I imagined it would be. I am never let down during this wonderful season, even when things don't go quite as planned.

Last night we went over to my parent's house. We cooked h'orderves, ate and drank wine, then walked with the kids to look at the Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Their subdivision was doing luminaria and it was magical! There were people milling all over, houses set up with drinks and snacks for the people wandering around, lots of jokes and laughter... There was even a woman who was home alone and setting up drinks for people and, when the passer-bys noticed this, they went in to her house to help, no questions asked. We took about 45 minutes for that, and then headed back to the house for "Santa's" arrival.

The kids were thrilled and we settled in to an hour of opening presents. This year it was great because my parents didn't go overboard and we all got to enjoy the event and see what everyone received. This year we all got functional gifts (for the most part) and that was perfect! My favorite gifts? A necklace that has great meaning behind it's making, and payment for a course at my Church!

We got home around 10pm and Ian was wound up tighter than a spring! I was hoping that he'd go to bed so that we could set out the gifts and build the one thing that we needed to put together for him, but we ended up in bed at 11:30pm and he was still up.

Sean and I got up at 5ish and started to put the Mach Racer Truck I got for him- which is a good thing because it took until 6:30am! We opened up our presents to each other while we sipped our coffee, and we were both thrilled with what we had chosen. I got some wonderful things, but my two favorites were a Bible that is one of the most beautiful books I've ever received (if you had told me a year ago that I would ever have asked for a Bible I would have laughed at you!), and a THREE CARAT Tennis Bracelet! I almost passed out when I opened it because he had hidden it in the tree and didn't let me know about it until a few minutes after we were done opening the other gifts, and I was not at all prepared. I was upset at first due to our money problems, but as he told me the story behind it I couldn't be mad; He has been saving for this since October of last year! He worked with our jeweler for a few months to choose the design and the stones (which are of perfect quality!), and then was in close contact with the man who made it. He put his whole heart into this gift and I can feel it when I look at it.

Ian got up at 7:30am and opened his gifts until 8am when my FIL came by with about 10 more gifts for him. Ian opened some of those, played with a few of his gifts, and then opened the rest with a little coaxing from us. At about 10am we were ready to head off to my MIL's house where there were even more gifts to open, and then Ian started to lose it. Can't blame him for that! So, I brought him home to nap and so that I could take my medication... but he never wound down, LOL! We went back to my MILs house at 2pm and stayed until 5:30 when Ian showed signs of becoming Lucifer's Son.

Now we are home. The truck is unpacked, the living room looks under control, and there are piles of stuff in the dining room that need to be addressed tomorrow after I go though closets and rooms to purge even more stuff than I did last week. I'm watching A Christmas Story for the sixth time, going through some email, and am getting ready to read a page or two of my Bible.

I got an email toady that made me terribly sad. Well, I don't think "sad" is really the word I want to use, but maybe pensive, or contemplative? It's a confusing situation, one that seems to constantly shift and appears to have a life of it's own. I can't say much about it here, but it is something that I have been living with for a few months now and it seems to occupy a tremendous amount of my time and emotion. It's hurtful sometimes, and at other times seems to be calming and heartwarming. It is probably the most confusing situation I've ever been in, if only because of the deep emotions involved and the amount of power that this has brought to my life. Unfortunately I don't have a clear "answer" for it because it doesn't only affect my life, and it isn't something that really even has a clear-cut answer... ever.

I'm going to spend my Christmas Night just as I always do, sipping tea in front of the tree with candles lighting the room. Much like Christmas Eve, I am going to think about my friends and family, my life, and my direction. I'm going to let my heart be by guide rather than my head, and perhaps I will find answers to at least some of my questions.

Today is my favorite day of the year. Christmas Eve has always held a special mark of promise, of love, family, and anticipation. It's almost as if all parts of the past year that were "wonderful" return on this day.

I like to get up early and sit here looking at the tree. I think about my family and friends, the people who have shown me the brightest light this past year, those who have hurt me, and those that have faded from my life completely. I think about what I've done, what I could have done differently, and what I want to change this coming year. I think about our World, how I can make a difference, and how I can help others to make a difference as well.

In Church yesterday I did a lot of thinking about things as well. I won't use this blog to go into the readings and religious things discussed, but I will share this: When I get to Church in the morning the first thing I do is write. I don't have anything in mind when I start, but I find that some amazing things flow through me when I do this. There are thoughts and feelings exposed that I didn't even know I had, and it brings me such a feeling of peace to finally recognize them! This is part of what I wrote yesterday: "I watch her walk to every member with a smile and individual word to show we are all loved and remembered. I want to be like that; I want every person I meet and every person I know to truly understand how much I value their presence and the individual greatness they bring to me and to the World. I ask myself what I can change about myself so they can feel it because, being a shy person, it doesn't come easily. I am private when it comes to my emotions and I think I may sometimes rely on the strength of my feelings as a means of expression... I know there are times when people feel slighted by my seemingly lackluster responses to things, or apparent apathetic approach to certain situations, but the truth of the matter is that my heart is screaming even when I appear to be silent."

So on this, the Eve of the day when the birth of a special child added the dimension of love to the Universe, I want to say I Love You to each and every person in my life. Your presence is a special gift and you have all touched my life in countless ways. I thank you for your support, your honesty, and your unyielding support.

I am blessed in the truest sense of the word.

The finished products of my work last night:

This is a necklace for my 6 year old niece. She's into dance and ballet; the charm on the bottom is of a ballet slipper. This is a bracelet for my mom. I just love these colors!

Last night was the holiday party for Fusion Automotive. In years past we've gone to Ruth's Chris or Charlie's, but this year they hosted a big bar-b-q at the shop. There was more alcohol than I've seen in a l-o-n-g time, and tons of food! They grilled steak (I had a few bites if you can believe that!), baked potatoes, salad, quiche... It was great!

And I laughed. A lot. I laughed so much I actually cried. My sides hurt from laughing so much! I drank a lot too, and I had 3 (!) cigarettes while making aluminum foil animals for the leftovers. I sure know how to have a good time, LOL!