This weekend has been great! I'm almost done with my real estate studying (two chapters to go!), and yesterday Sean lay the flooring in Ian's room so that's all done. I was able to read a book cover-to-cover, then I took Ian to the pool for a few hours. My mom came too so I got to catch up with her, and then I went to the store for some nice fresh veggies, fruit, and some veggie sushi. Ian fell asleep around 6:30pm, so Sean and I had a nice evening together.

Friday night was good too. I wanted to go to Sweet Tomatos but Ian really didn't want to, so my parents said they'd watch him. Sean and I got to eat out alone, and we had  a really great time! We were able to finish sentences without, "Mommy, can we go now?" and, "Daddy, what's that?" thrown in, and we had a few laughs about our past relationships. The nicest conversation we had was when we were discussing a couple we know that has children, yet the mom seems to never be home. It's up to Dad to do the parenting and Mom seems to enjoying being gone and working all the time, and even on weekends they don't seem to spend time together as a family! I made the comment, "I just don't understand that. Spending time with you and Ian are the best times of my life," and Sean said, "I know it. It's like that's the center and the rest just happens around it."

This week should be OK with work. I have Court 2 days this week which should be alright (although I'm not looking forward to the hearing tomorrow due to the Division I have to be in), but the rest of my week is looking laid-back. I have some paperwork that needs to get done, but other than that I'm pretty caught up.

I have dinner plans for Thursday night that I'm excited for. My friend Kim and I are trying to plan a little get-away for a night or two so we can both regain our sanity, LOL!  I think I'll bring our time-share books so we can pick a place and figure out costs. I just wish I could drink!!!!

There is only one crimp in my 'perfection' right now, and I'm trying to figure it all out in my mind. Thanks to my earlier pledge to back off of things and not give 100% of myself my heart isn't as involved as it could be, but I'm still a bit hurt by it all. To keep it vague I'll just say that I was pretty much shown that my support and friendship is not needed anymore. I had suspected it anyway, but things had appeared to change so I took a chance only to be, for lack of a better term, ignored. *shrug* I guess it's better to know for certain now rather than having to wonder and be hurt all the time when I heard that I was being passed over... again. People change and friendships change; I just need to keep reminding myself that people enter our lives for a reason, just as they step out again for another.

Happy Weekend, all!

I've come to a conclusion after sitting here for almost 2 hours: I am going to put more focus on my husband and my son. I fear I haven't been a very good wife and mother lately, and that isn't fair to either of them. I've been chasing my tail and they've been the ones to suffer the worst.

It stops today.

I'm done trying to make relationships work that are clearly one-sided. I'm finished wasting my energy chasing after something that is obviously going to remain centered on something else and I can't change. I'm over using my time to try and help other people or be something they need only to be cast aside yet again. I'm finished allowing my heart and my pride to be wounded for no other reason than people's own selfishness. *sigh* Unfortunately this is not in response to anyone or any one situation because then I could just 'be mad" and "get over it"; it's something that's been happening for a while now and it's coming at me from all directions! Jobs, friends, situations I find myself in... It's everywhere!

I've been thinking about friendships lately because during the summer it seems that the majority of people fall into their own lives so completely that they forget about the 'outskirts'. I'm okay with that because that's exactly how it should be, but there are certain things that I'm not okay with, and I've decided that instead of being mad about it I need to make a conscious effort to be aware of those things in the forefront so when I come across them, I can back away and not reach out anymore

I've spent my life 'doing' for others. Every job I've ever had has been in the 'helping' capacity, from working with children in crisis, working with the mentally ill, helping people find real estate, and doing the marketing for a business that I believed in because it helped people. I've never been cut-throat, never tried to get more than I give, and I've never been vindictive or manipulative (um, since I hit my 20's anyway!). It's just the way I was made and I've never regretted that I have followed my path, even when my brother is sitting there making $200K and I'm making as much in a year as he makes in two months.

What I'm saying is that today offered me a sad realization. It was like the Universe lay It's hand on my head and whispered "Stop" directly into my ear.

I just can't do it anymore. It's time to focus on me and my family and to create the type of support and comfort I've been trying to foster on the outside with little to no results. It's going to take time and effort, but maybe I can stop doubting and hurting now... I'm tired of all the second, third, and forth chances I give because I'm just fulfilling the definition of insanity and I, of all people, should recognize that!