Inner Ramblings

Birthday Plans

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 11:05:12 -0400

This year we are doing something different for Ian's 8th birthday party. Every year we've rented a pavilion at the park and had a huge BBQ, crafts, a bounce house, games, gift bags for the kids... and we are NOT doing it this year. I've had enough planning, getting nervous, being upset that people don't show up, listening to Ian's broken heart year after year. So, we're going to have a low-key party here at the house with family and one friend of his whom he has known for 6 years.

Okay, truth be told I'd probably do the park again, except for the fact that with all the evaluations, new medication that he's going to start, and getting hearing aids, I think that's enough excitement for him to process. We don't know how he's going to respond to any of the above, so I'd rather not push him. Plus, as long as he's fine with having a party with family only, then so be it!

Blood Ties

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 12:54:19 -0400

The results are in from Ian's blood work. There was a frightening day when there was some miscommunication regarding medications from the pharmacy, but from that I got to have a great conversation with a nurse from the specialist's office.

Ian has a C4 deficiency. What this means is that his body cannot fight off infections like a "healthy" person can, and having a deficiency in C4 (which is the 4th component of complement) means that the infections affect the inflammatory process, i.e., the lungs. While this is not the best of news it is certainly better then a diagnosis of cystic fibrosis, which is the diagnosis we were afraid of! He's now had a second round of blood work done, and we are waiting to see if the C4 issue is the problem itself or if it's a symptom of something larger.

Adjustments

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 20:33:31 -0400

Holy crap. I was not expecting money to be so tight! I mean, I knew it was going to be, but WOW!

I do have to say though, that it's been easier not doing the things we used to do than I thought it was going to be. We don't spend a lot of money on much other than eating out anyway, so in regard to not buying stuff it's been easy. It's hard to break the habit of eating out though; we really enjoy taking the kids to Beef O'Brady's and stuff, and now it's really hard to not just pull in somewhere to enjoy a beer and a sandwich or something.

It's only been a week, I know, but it's been sort of nice having dinner together every night and then hanging out at the pool. I feel "closer" to my family in a way, and I really like that :-)

Summer Fun

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 08:00:57 -0400

This summer has been amazing. So much has happened, the best of which is the amount of time I've been able to spend with the kids and the things we've done! (If you're curious, I have another blog Adventures of Home Life with pictures and such).

Even though money has been a huge struggle and there have been some major stressors involved with my leaving the full-time job I had to work part-time from home, I honestly feel like this was the best thing I have ever done. Being here for my kids has been such an amazing experience, and I actually feel like I'm active in raising them versus feeling guilty for paying someone else to be around more than I was. Don't get me wrong; I fully support working moms and think they are amazing (I was one up until a year ago, don't forget), and when Ian was in daycare I wouldn't have had it any other way. He loved it, and I needed to work, so the fit was right for us at that time. I felt guilt, sure, but I know without a doubt that the environment he was in was the best for him. But, things have changed, and my need to be home for both of my kids for different reasons has evolved with my desire to be home with them, so living with the 'stress' of wondering if we are going to make our next electrical payment is a small price to pay

Things will change when Reilly goes to preschool too, and that's the beauty of my job; I can work however much I want, so there's no need to feel 'stuck' making what I make. Sure the pay rate itself stinks, but what I get in return is payment enough!

Ripple Effect

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:24:16 -0400

Time is in short supply these days. I'm kind of living for the "when they move" moment, because at this time I'm trying to keep myself available for any free moment my brother has before he leaves.

I am excited about moving into their house; in fact, we have our first "party" (i.e. open house, don't mind if we have no furniture though) scheduled for July 3rd! I've been looking at furniture and decorations for the kids' rooms online (not that I can afford anything, but I want to have a direction at least), and we have paint already. Sean doesn't want to "rush" moving in (meaning he wants to paint and stuff before we move our furniture. Duh.), so he's thinking I'm crazy for have a get-together so soon. I told him that I haven't exactly broadcast the information, so he can relax; it isn't set in stone! Anyway, point being, I'm looking forward to actually hosting get-togethers rather than always needing an invitation!

Flip Flop

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Wed, 11 May 2011 08:38:58 -0400

My brain is in overdrive lately. We have an "opportunity," and I just don't know what to do.

My brother and his family are leaving the state and moving back up north. He has a 2-story home with a pool in a community that I want to live in very badly. My parents would be a few houses away, and the size of the house would give us about double of what we have now. There are some downsides, such as it needs work (um, but so does mine so that really doesn't count), the neighbors on one side leave a bit to be desired, there is an HOA that can be a pain in the butt, and it would cost a lot more money to heat/cool and take care of the pool.

In a perfect world we could swap houses, because my parents paid off the mortgages for both and "own" them both. We could sell the one we live in now, pay off what we owe my parents (with maybe a little left over depending on how much we could get for this one), and then take over the other house. HOWEVER, my brother did something pretty stupid, and he needs to own the house and get income for about 2 years. Not a big deal, except then he wants to literally sell the house after that. If we moved in once they leave we could do it for a pretty low cost (my parents are willing to forgive payment until he "fixes" what he did), but then what? If we didn't have the money he wants for the house, we would have nothing. No house to go back to, no money to put down on something else... There is no option of "renting to own" since my brother is all about profit, so we'd be paying real rent, not a lease-to-own.

If only I had a crystal ball. I'd love to have the house because it is almost exactly what I want, but I'd hate to be screwed in the end.

Mistake

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 08:27:48 -0500

I think it's time to admit that I've done some very, very wrong things in raising my son. For the longest time I thought I was doing the right things by him, but it's becoming very clear that I've screwed up somewhere.

I have spent the majority of his life standing between Sean and Ian. They are so similar, and I've felt that Sean is too hard on him, expected to much, etc. Our biggest fights have been about our son, and I've never, ever backed down when I felt I was fighting for Ian's behalf. BUT, in doing so, I'm afraid that I've created a selfish, self centered, nasty little creature. He's rude, sarcastic, and just plain mean half the time, and this morning I realized that he basically runs the house. At 7, he dictates the mood of the house, and I just can't take it anymore! I have inadvertently given him all the power, and it isn't healthy for any of us.

I have to wonder when it changed. I used to be so big into the discipline that I was complimented by people about how I was so clear in my standards! There was even a time when I met my friends at the zoo and then left after 10 minutes because his behavior warranted it. I was always very consistent and I never "gave in" any time, and he responded to that well, even if at times it was really inconvenient for me and the people I was with. My thoughts were that I was trying to raise a child who would imprint the world in a good way, not to make peoples' lives easier!

Where on earth did it all go so wrong?!

Tonight he has a baseball game, but on Thursday we're sitting down together as a family and will discuss our expectations and the consequences. I can't live like this anymore.

Our Gnoming Game

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 12:55:19 -0500

In honor of the movie Gnomeo and Juliet which my husband and The Older saw last weekend and thought was great, I thought I'd mention a game we have going on at our house.

I'm not sure how it started, but I believe it was when The Older was sick. About a year ago, my parents bought a set of 3 garden gnomes from Big Lots. They came over when we were not here or busy doing something and placed them around the yard in strategic places. When The Older saw them, he declared they were "magic" and had adopted us as their family.

This has grown into a great adventure for us all! Since they came to our yard, we move them during the week so he believes they are "magically moving." We do it at night so he doesn't see, and if my parents are driving by they'll stop and move them so when we look outside (or come home from where ever we are), we see that they've changed positions once again! My parents will even pick up "friends" and drop them off in the yard as well, so The Older thinks that the gnomes are telling their friends about us!

The Older is at the age now where he's starting to question the reality of what's going on, but in his heart he loves the idea of the magic so much, he's keeping the game going. In fact, he even started leaving them water to drink, so now we empty out the water so he thinks they drank it during the night.

This is what met him outside the front door the other morning when he was ready to go to school:

As you can see, they've all been loved a lot, especially the one with half his hat missing. We can't get rid of him though, because it would break The Older's heart.

Lazy

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 09:10:24 -0500

Today it's freezing here in Florida, so taking a cue from our owl, I decided to keep Ian home from school and do lesson plans here. It's a half day anyway (AGAIN!), so he'll actually get more learning accomplished at home with me. In the words of my 7-year-old nephew, "Oh yay! It's a non-learning day on Wednesday!" We're going to do some math, reading of a book he wants to try, and do some Valentine's Day crafts.

I so love being able to construct my kids' days and have such a flexible work schedule that I can accommodate everything!

Getting Soaked

Inner Ramblings of My Mind — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 08:47:09 -0500

I spent some time the other day tracking "referring" links from my blog software. I didn't find much in the beginning, but then I found a picture of my son on a site... and another site... and then another site. I didn't get uncomfortable until I found it posted in response to something in a message board about the Chicago White Sox (really?), and then I began to think about how scary the reality of that really is.

I would never have through anyone would care enough to copy a picture of my son for any reason. Part of that is because I have so few readers of my blog, and I didn't think about random searches coming up with anything of mine. But, as you can see, if you Google "Christmas Excitement," the picture of my son is the very first one there. Who knew?

Now comes the part where I watermark all of my pictures before putting them anywhere. I did it with the very first batch I put on Facebook after finding out my son's image being used, and I'm getting better each time.