This has been one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. I've been so tired lately that all I've done is sleep, but this weekend has been action packed!

Friday night I went to a special Good Friday service with my friend. It was a fantastic hour filled with meditation, lessons, scripture, and prayer. I left there feeling as if I could tackle the world, like nothing could stand my way! I feel so rejuvenated and alive when ever I leave Church it's amazing... Anyway, after that we went to Olive Garden for dinner where we talked, laughed, and caught up with each others lives. I can't believe how much I've missed hanging out with her, but yet it also feels how no time at all has passed.

Saturday we (Ian and I) got up early and had breakfast together. From there we went to the Park to stake out some space for the annual Easter Party my mom's group does. It was so much fun! There wasn't a big turn out so the atmosphere was relaxed, and the kids played on the playground, in the sand, and kicked a ball around. We were there for hours and it felt as if no time passed at all before we were packing it up on account of the rain.

After the party we went home and took a nap, and then we went down to Pinellas with Sean to eat at our favorite place, Quaker Steak and Lube. It wasn't quite the same without the beer, but it was still good!

Today Ian got up early and searched for all of the eggs the Easter Bunny left for him. He then went through his basket, and after that he and I sat around and did some Easter crafts together. Then I took him to my MILs house and I went to Easter Service which was, of course, amazing. Ian had a great time at his Mimi's house too- he caught his first fish! On our way home I went to Publix to buy beans for my green bean casserole, but I found out all Publix stores are closed on Easter. So, I had to go to another grocery store which, I swear, had every single person who did not speak English in it, and then we came home. I threw together the casserole, took a shower, and Ian and I headed over to my brother and SILs house for Easter dinner.

What a great night! Sean showed up right as were were getting ready to eat, and so did my Mom and Dad! My Mom looks wonderful; you'd never even know that she had surgery. She moves around well, is in great spirits, is even able to interact with the kids... She is amazing!

Now we're home and winding down for the night. I'm getting everything ready for the week ahead and am going to start working on my last class assignment. I also have to practice voice (I haven't done that in a long time!) for my lesson on Tuesday, and I have a few other things that need doing.

Today was really amazing. I spent a lot of time thinking about Rev. Nikki's words today... When I get a firm grasp on it I'll write about it, but not now.

My mom should be about out of surgery now. She went in at 12:45pm, but they cautioned that there may be some delay if any surgeries ran past their time. So, I'm not stressing out that my Dad hasn't called me yet.

I've cried a lot today. I cried this morning when I couldn't get my mom to answer the phone, then I cried after I finally spoke to her. I said "I love you," to her which I think I've said maybe three times in my adult life, and I cried then, too. I came home and did some work, and then cried again when I realized I was starting to bleed. I have a call in to my OB to see if they want to see me or not, if they want me to wait it out and let nature take it's course...

It's been a sucky day.

I just got off the phone with her. I do not deal with passive-aggressive people too well, but at least I can play the game.

My mom just called and she's done with her PET scan. She's on her way home and is going to breakfast with my Dad. She sounds good!

It's funny when you think you're important in people's lives and then find out that you really aren't. I know that the majority of people's stuff is monumental only to them, but there are a few moments and experiences that I would think people would remember about a friend or family member. Maybe I'm just different in that I have the memory of an elephant and keep important event dates in my head (not birthdays so much, but other one-time things), or maybe my life just isn't as interesting and important to people as I thought it was.

*shrug* I guess it doesn't matter. It's just another reason to keep stuff to myself and not share it; gives you less of a chance to be hurt. I've always been so open and trusting of people, but I'm learning to not give up so much of myself. I used to wonder how people kept so quiet about their lives, and now I think I've figured it out.

Good thing I like being alone.

My mom is scheduled for surgery next week. Her cancer rates as a 2A-2B which is exactly as she was rated 30 years ago. The oncologist was in full agreement about a full mastectomy with chemotherapy afterward, but the downside is that, due to her past pulmonary embolism, she may not be a candidate for some of the 'better' chemo drugs. She's going to get a full work-up to see if the medication she's on caused the embolism or not, and then from there they'll weigh the benefits and the risks associated with the chemotherapy.

Now I'm scared.

I guess I didn't really believe it before, but now it's real. It is the real deal. This is reality. It's my reality, it's her reality, it's my family's reality. This is the real stuff life is made up of, not that petty bullshit that seems to creep it's way back into my mind. Fuck the rest of it, the stupid stuff that seems to occupy so much of people's time! My family (and my friends that are like family, of course) is all that matters. The rest will still be there no matter how long I'm gone because shallow pretenses will always exist. Why bother with it now?

Tomorrow is my Mom's appointment with the oncologist. She got her pile of films from St. Joseph's today and is ready to meet the masses tomorrow.

Every night I do a treatment for myself with the same purpose, but I think it's time to do some treatment work for my Mom. I've put her name in the prayer box at church so they'll be doing team treatments for her at the Church in San Diego for a full 30 days, but I think I could do some good for her as well. So far almost all of the treatment work I've done has had positive results (I started small, LOL!), so now it's time for me to spread my wings and try to tackle bigger things.

This is a big week for my family. A lot of our future's are going to change, for better or worse, by the end of this week. I'm trying to remain calm and positive because I know worrying won't help, and I do have pure Faith in my heart. It's a start.

I'm amazed by the people who have reached out for me during all of this, just as I am amazed by the people who didn't. I am continuing the promise I made to myself to not speak badly of people, to not create negative energy and outcomes by words and thoughts, but sometimes it's hard. There are times when I want to see people suffer and ache, but then I remind myself that it is not my job to change the path of people's lives, nor do I want to give people the power to affect my life and happiness. People will get what's due in good time, and not before. I can, however, hope that I can be around to see it!