Today was a busy day at work paper-wise. I'm getting annoyed though- I have 22 days of notes to print out, and they went ahead and disabled my USB port because we aren't supposed to use them. Would have been nice for them to have told me that a month or two ago! Strangely enough there are two other offices with USB capability and they suggested I use those offices... Does that make sense?

Not so much.

I am not an emotional person. Well, that isn't true; I am an emotional person, but I do everything in my power to be emotional behind closed doors. I don't like to do anything in front of anyone else that shows my guard may be down. I have always played close to the vest, and I am very proud of my ability to contain my emotional self.

Today did not go well in that regard. Starting yesterday at about 12pm the shit started to slide, and by 11:30am today my brain was like oatmeal. I dealt with a particularly difficult case that had me running in circles between court personnel, jail staff, and my own schedule, and then there was a big blow up with contract issues, job situations, and he-said-she-said rumors. I was so tightly wound I almost called my boss and told him that I was taking leave immediately. But, knowing myself the way I do I knew not to act on that, LOL! After many phone calls between me, my co-workers, and our boss, the waters stilled a bit, and I was able to calm myself down and relax a bit before my scheduled appointment with the child psychologist.

I picked Sean up around 1:15pm because we had to be there 10 minutes early to fill out paperwork. After passing the place twice I finally found it, and was pretty proud of myself for remembering to bring all of Ian's IEP paperwork and evaluation even without them asking for it. We walked in to the office and I signed in, only to have the receptionist say, "Oh, your appointment was at 1pm. She's gone for the day!"

In all of Ian's 5 years I have never done that. I have never missed an appointment, never been late for an appointment.

I was so upset that I felt like I was going to cry right at the window. She must have seen it on my face because she kept apologizing to me even though I was the one who screwed up. I could feel it all welling up inside of me and I felt the tears fill up my eyes. She said that she would try to get the doctor back, but at that point I didn't care any more. I was cooked.

I am still so angry at myself. I had the damn meeting written in my book for 1pm and everyone I spoke to seemed to know it was at 1pm, it was just me who couldn't keep it straight. Ian's IEP Exit Meeting is on the 27th, and there is no way I'm going to have anything accomplished toward his 504 plan. I was pushing it as it was with having such a late-in-the-game appointment and now I've screwed it up.

I feel like I've failed my kid!