My feet are all messed up after my day in the jail. My feet were getting used to being free or having slippers on all the time, so wearing dress shoes again is making them hurt. I actually have the skin rubbed off of my toe joint (you know, the one on your foot that's just below your big toe?), and Roo tried to pull it off for me this afternoon. OUCH!

Both kiddos are sick right now too. Ian has a sinus infection and uncontrolled asthma which means liquid steroid, inhaled steroid, antibiotics, albuteral, DM cough syrup and then a daytime syrup. Roo has a throat infection which means antibiotics for her too.

I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that I have to be back at work when both of my kids are sick. Luckily I was able to go in at 6am two days so I was out early, and the other days I did a compressed amount of client work and then did the notes at home so I could pick Ian up before his TKD lessons started and then get Roo from my parents.

Things are a little bit strange at the office. I'm trying to figure out who's done the changing, me or them. I am enjoying some parts of being back to work, but the other parts just remind me why I want to be home with my kids. I'm also trying to keep myself a little more "separate" from my co-workers too. It's hard because I like them all very much, but I feel like things may be used against me in some way, so it's safer for me to keep a part of me isolated. I guess kind of like I'm trying to do in my personal life too!

Things are... good. I made a conscience decision to work with what I have, and the results were better than I anticipated. I'm not happy to be back at work, but I am able to see the good in what I have. I've chosen to not focus on the negative aspects of it all but to rather find the parts that make it good and make them even better!

I'm amazed at the calm I feel. Since I made the decision to focus on the good and cut out the negative completely, I feel so much better about things. Sure I worry, but in all honesty I find that just makes me crazy, LOL! When I start thinking something negative I mentally yell "STOP!" in my head, and I am able to switch my mindset to a more positive view.

I've made some decisions about the "extra" in my life as well. I can't believe how stupid I've been about some things, but it all stops now. I know where I need to go, who I need to lean on, and the fact that it's all so crystal clear in my mind has me almost giddy. There's nothing clouding my mind or my heart anymore; no more "what if", no more "what could have been", and no more, "I wish it was". There's no where to go but forward from this point on, and I'm so excited to begin my travels with less baggage!!!!

I don't know why I've been so concerned with the outside when I know very well that it all begins with the inside. How can I expect the outer parts of my life to conform to what I want and need when the inside of my mind is full of so much negativity? How can I expect people to live up to my expectations when I'm not even sure what those expectations are? It isn't fair to the people in my life who continue to shoulder my pain with me, and it isn't fair to me either. I need to give myself some time and exert some energy into finding out what's going on in my head before I allow myself to go into a tailspin. I deserve that.