I have a goal I want to reach by the time November rolls around: I want to be working from home again. I was thinking about Ian's new school placement come August and the cost of after-school care, plus child care for an infant, and that just doesn't seem to warrant the paycheck I make! I'd basically be working for childcare.

I have one person whom I'm going to be doing some contract marketing for in a few months. I've shown her some of my past advertisements and she really liked them, so she's going to hire me when she's ready to launch her practice. But, that certainly isn't going to be enough to carry me through a lifetime, so I'm going to have to find a way to market myself starting now and see if there's any hope of me making a go at that. The problem is that I'm no good at marketing myself; just other things.

I don't even know where to begin, especially since I have no education on the subject; I'm completely self-taught!

I cried the whole way in to work today. Leaving Ian at 7am was the last straw of these past few days and I felt safe enough to cry during my commute. Hey, it can't be any worse that that chick who what putting on her eyeliner the other day! I think the stress of my mother's health and upcoming surgery next week, my event tomorrow, this bitch at work, and the fact that my marriage is falling apart finally got to me.

This girl is going to send me over the edge (as you could tell from my earlier blog)! I almost sat her down the other day but decided to wait it out, but after today I'm about to drop her and then kick her in the teeth. My friend reminded me that I may want to speak to her before it gets to that point, LOL! It's a tough situation though because there's only two of us. We're supposed to be a team, but it's hard to be a team when someone is constantly stabbing you in the back.

I had forgotten how catty young women can be, especially when they feel threatened!

Ahhh... My house is clean, Sean is out, and Ian is napping. I hear nothing but the quiet sounds of Little Bill from the bedroom, and soon I'm going to go outside and read.

This has been an amazing few weeks. I can't believe it's March already. Where did the first two months go?!

Now that the pace of my life is slowing down and I've gotten in to some semblance of a routine, I have been able to reassess my standing in a few aspects. 

For instance: I dislike my job right now, but I have decided to remain positive about it. I'm going to focus on the parts of it I like, find ways to make the distasteful parts easier to bear, and meanwhile search for something else entirely.

I have also decided that it's necessary for me to let the past go. I need to stop asking, "What if?" and "Why?" because I'll never know the answer anyway, and some situations are so bizarre I don't think I'll ever even come close to figuring it out. I don't know why some people decided I was so easy to walk away from, I haven't figured out the reasons behind some people's behavior and their responses toward me, and I cannot for the life of me come up an excuses for the outcome of some other situations. So, rather than dwell and try to come up with some reason that seems to make sense, I have decided to let that part of my life end and to let the parts that are still happening, burn out naturally. I have no need for drama right now because my focus is on my Mom's health as well as what's going on with me right now (more details on that later), so I guess it's better for me to just back away rather than fight. I've also decided that I need to spend some time exploring my need for "stuff". I have gotten better, but there are still times when I want to go max everything out to buy new furniture, or new appliances, or new flooring... I've stopped getting jealous of people's bank accounts because I've found that what is gained there is due to a loss in other areas of life, but I still can't help wishing that I had an income where I could go buy a bedroom set without blinking an eye!

My mom continues to be in good spirits, but my Dad is, well, my Dad. He refuses to go to the oncologist with her so I may end up going. He's a "bury your head in the sand" kind of guy, but I think it's important that someone else is with her when they develop the Plan for Action (as she calls it). She's certainly strong enough, but I think someone should be there as a second set of ears if nothing else.

I can't wait for next weekend! Me and the Girls are going out for the night and I can't wait! I forsee a cab ride in my future....