May 18

Discouraged

Discouraged. It’s a word that I don’t use too much. Frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, and blocked are words I’m used to, but “discouraged” is new to me. And, I don’t like it. It sucks.

Quite frankly, I used to find myself suspicious when another author told me they felt as if their attempts at writing were fruitless and they were considering giving up. “What could be so bad?” I wondered, because if you have a story to tell and you do it with even the slightest touch of finesse, how can you fail? Let’s face it: There are hundreds, if not thousands, of poorly written books out there that have been published, so the chances of never finding anyone to read your work and like it must be small. So, why the worry? Just keep going, and something will happen! There’s an agent for everyone, and a publishing house for all completed works, right? Everyone loves books, and even if your first attempts at securing an agent falls flat, you’ll find the right fit!

I’m not sure if I have been living in a bubble of positive thinking the past few years or if I was suffering from a delusional disorder of sorts, because having spent the past month sliding up and down the peaks of optimism and the valleys of hopelessness, and I am now beginning to wonder when it’s okay to (literally) throw down my pencil and say “enough is enough.” How many times can I re-write the same thing and expect it to turn out better? When can I stop refreshing my email in the hopes that one of my beta readers has returned something so I can fix an entire manuscript for yet another attempt at getting it right? When will I stop praying that by “this time” next month/week/year, it will be different and I can finally say “See? It was worth all the sacrifice and struggle! I am a published author!

I’ve never been good with the unknown. I like to have a plan, and I’m getting to the point in my “career” when I need to admit it’s out of my hands. I do trust the Universe, and I 100% believe that things fall into place the way they are meant to. My problem then? Well, I’m afraid that what I want and what will be aren’t in alignment, and to me, that will mean I have failed. And failure sucks.

May 12

Back and Ready

I went on a much needed work-ation in Las Vegas. I didn’t worry or even think about writing the entire time I was there (well, not a lot, anyway), and it was great! I got to clear out the cobwebs, and now I’m looking at things with a fresh set of visions and goals.

I need to make a schedule. Since Behind Closed Doors is still out of my hands and in the hands of my beta readers, I started working on the changes I want to make with Letting Go, and working on The Elements, and doing research for The Elements, and sketching out a new storyline that came to me… I was overwhelmed and scattered, and I felt like I wasn’t getting anything done at all. So, in an effort to change that, I’m making a schedule with the hopes I can check things off as I go. If I’m disciplined enough to write it out and complete what I need to by weeks end, I’m hoping I will feel less stressed on the weekends thinking about what I haven’t done. I’ll be able to have a record of what I have done, and know what I still need to accomplish.

Here’s to hoping!

Apr 12

Second Round

BehindClosedDoorsBehind Closed Doors is off on its second journey. I have two people reading it now, and I’m saving the final read for my biggest critic (in a good way). Since by the time she gets it, BCD is going to be as close to completion as I can get it, I want someone whose topics for reading vary just as much as mine to give it a go. My goal for this book is ‘entertainment.’ I’m not setting out to change anyone’s life or get them to contemplate much more than how friendship can affect people, and I hope I hit the mark.

I’m working on my query letter, and boy does that suck. I wish I had someone to write one for me, or an interested agent who wouldn’t need one. It’s killing me!

 

Mar 31

Camp NaNoWriMo

I’m ready. It took until this morning for me to finalize what I want to do/focus on, and I’ve come up with an almost complete rewrite of The Elements. I have a good beginning/middle snowflake method write-up done, so I’m ready to attack it once the clock strikes midnight tonight.

Behind Closed Doors is in it’s third editing stage. I got it back from my beta writer, and short of working on one of the characters a bit more, she really liked it. I have high hopes for this one, and I can’t wait until my second round of beta readers have a chance to see it.

 

Elements Cover

Mar 24

Outside Of My Comfort Zone

RooBook copy

Here’s something I’ve been playing around with. See, my 6-year-old is quite a quirky little thing, and I am constantly catching and recording some of those instances. Someone told me I should write a book, and it’s been circling my brain for a bit now. So, considering I’m done (for a brief moment in time) with Behind Closed Doors and have begun unraveling the mess that is The Elements, maybe it’s time I do something fun!

 

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